Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni Weblog

“Oh, I thought it was the trash!”

Is That All You Got?

Posted by itiwtt on September 25, 2007

                                           Nice Package 

Where are all the hot, sexy service men that we see on TV? You know, the construction guys wearing the cut-off t-shirts with their muscles bulging out. Or the delivery man who knows how to wear the hell out of those shorts. Where are they and why don’t they come to my job? Here’s the run-down of daily eye candy, or shall I say lack of, that I get every day:

  • UPS Man~ Morning shift: Chunky, black man who’s always on the phone with his wife/baby momma/girlfriend. Not too bad looking, but once again chunky and baby momma. Afternoon shift: Short, Mexican man who always asks if I’m ready for the weekend. That’s not a problem on Thursday or Friday, but why would you ask somebody that on Tuesday. I’m thinking, “Damn, do you hate your job that much? The weekend was just two days ago!”  Eye candy status: 0 (for both)
  • FedEx Man~ Cool, white man who always runs in sweating (even when it’s cold) The sooner he finishes his route, the sooner he can go back home. Good for conversation, but not so much for my mid-day fantasies.   Eye-candy status: 3
  • DHL Man~Nice-looking, black man but all his looks go down the drain once he starts talking. First day on the job I spoke with him and thought I had gone back in time. Apparently the guy moved from the depths of Mississippi to Texas for a better opportunity. He’s never been on a plane, and he’s never really been anywhere outside of Mississippi. I’m thinking this guy is a victim of the infamous group of southern blacks that are supposedly still trapped in slavery. I mean, he’s tall, strong, not well traveled, and the best job he could find was lifting boxes. What do you think?                Eye-candy status: 8 with a 5 point deduction, therefore we have, 3
  • Local Courier~I’m not sure why I even included him. This guy is short, old, and looks like he could easily be cast as Hobbit #3 for the next version of Lord of the Rings.    Eye-candy status: -2

This is what I have to look at all day. How is this mess supposed to help me?


“Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an ‘Amen’? Ha! Ha! I don’t know you what you come to do, but I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I come to praise his name! Lord, Lord!” ~ Reverend Brown 


What the hell are you talking about ?



I appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to rate your local delivery men.  Seems like all of our delivery men are fat and ashy.  I hate all uniforms that consist of shorts (UPS, Mailman, Police, etc) none of them are flattering.  They probably get excited when it gets hot, kind of like Jeans Day on Friday for corporate America.  “Man it’s almost June, I get to wear my shorts!”


Photos courtesy of


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