Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni Weblog

“Oh, I thought it was the trash!”

Archive for September, 2007

I Love Me Some…

Posted by itiwtt on September 28, 2007

You may know him for his flowing locks, his spandex outfits, his irreputable high energy and dancing while playing his bass guitar. You may have even imitated him a time or two, or you may just know him as the guitar player on the side of the stage for legendary group Earth, Wind & Fire.  Intelligent, articulate, charismatic, and outrageously stylish with a flair for the extraordinary is why I Love Me Some…

Verdine White, aka the bassist for Earth, Wind, & Fire

Verdine White Fringe

The next time you’re in a group setting watching an Earth, Wind & Fire performance or just one of those old school CD commercials with the throwback videos, you will be the Verdine expert.  You will be the envy of all of your friends, and they will be impressed that you even know his name–and Verdine is an excellent name. 

  • Born and raised in Chicago, Verdine’s father (Dr. Verdine Sr.) wanted him to follow in his footsteps and enter the field of medicine.
  • He started his formal training in his preteens studying the upright bass.  He says, “The instrument was standing alone in the corner of the orchestra class…tall, mysterious and majestic, so different from all the others, it called me and the love affair began.”
  • White was classically trained by Radi Velah with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra for several years and studied bass guitar with the late Louis Satterfield (trombonist of the former Phoenix).
  • Younger brother of EWF founder Maurice White
  • In the 1970s, he was levitated in a horizontal position as part of the elaborate stage performances.
  • On stage, Verdine’s constant motion, enthusiasm and energy (to the point of disbelief) have deemed him the “ultimate fire” of the band.  His musicianship keeps the elements in perfect alignment.
  • Graced the covers of Monitor and Bass Player Magazines
  • Married for over 25 years, one son
  • Hobbies include fashion, reading, hiking and sharing long walks with his wife and the family dogs.
  • Can rattle off the name of every Earth Wind & Fire song, the year it came out and even how it charted in a matter of seconds
  • Plucks with his index and middle fingers alternating, digging in with a heavy touch. He also uses a lot of index pops, or hard plucks, but he rarely uses any thumb slaps.
  • First commandment: Hold the groove; you have to hold it down
  • The dancing comes from studying with the legendary African-American choreographer George Faison

 Quotes from adoring fans:

“Maann, if i came back as his hair I wouldn’t even be mad.  He keeps it tight and right, despite…his forehead getting in the way” – Tam 

“The first person I could not avoid from the beginning to the end of the DVD was Verdine White. I stared at disbelief at this absolutely crazed dancer and bass guitarist. His attitude from the get-go was ‘We are the Greatest, You are the Greatest, let’s Dance Together and be the Greatest Together!’ He hypnotized me. ” – customer review of EWF Live in Chicago DVD on 

“I only wish that one day my husband would be able to run his fingers through soft, luscious and beautiful hair, such as the mane of Verdine White. Also, please notice that Verdine and Tyra Banks have the same forehead.”     -Aenequa Kian

We present to thee, Verdine White. Enjoy!

Verdine White

Verdine White showing the fans how to “hold the groove.”Verdine, his lovely wife and dogs

Verdine before the illustrious perm/press.


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Enough With the Text Messages!

Posted by itiwtt on September 25, 2007


I have been thoroughly pissed all week because my cell phone bill for the past 4-5 months has been out of control.  I can’t help but think of all the useful things I could have done with that money……supplement my savings account, pay a little extra on my credit cards, buy a comforter set for the guest bedroom, put a down payment on my Lexus.  How am I supposed to advise anybody on their finances and retirement (my actual job) and I can’t even keep my damn cell phone bill under control??  I haven’t complained about it in the past because I figured it was mainly my fault.  So this month I began monitoring my phone usage which has resulted in a lot of mean replies via text.  I can control how much I talk on the phone and how many texts I send out, but it pisses me off that I get charged every time you send me a text!  Incoming texts should be free!   Some people are just inconsiderate with their texting rituals.  This mess got on my nerves when I did have unlimited texts.  Therefore, I am going to summarize for you my rules of texting (Everyone may not have these rules, but I do, so if you text ME listen up!)

  • Everybody does not have UNLIMITED text messages like you do.  Some people just don’t see the sense in paying an extra $20 a month just so that they can receive your quirky forwards and “heys” via text.  And quit bragging about your plan because I’m not changing to your carrier “you need to get Cingular, it’s only $10”  Ask the recipients preference before you just decide for them.
  • Stop with the forwards!  Use discretion and only send to friends YOU KNOW will get a kick out of it or may need an inspirational word.  Only 2 out of 7 actually make me chuckle.  And most of the time they come when I’m waiting on a valid reply from someone.  Get all excited running to the phone just to see that God has something special for me if I send this to 10 ppl.
  • If you can’t summarize all of your thoughts and questions into a MAX of 3 texchanges you need to just call.  Especially if it’s the weekend, hell it’s FREE FOR ALL!  Texchange–  A sent message and the reply.  I don’t have the patience to send you my life story text style.  Remember everybody doesn’t have a Blackberry with a schnazzy keyboard so some of us have to press the keys and 3-666 (do)  444-8 (it)  manually!
  • Stop texting me OK, or worse “K”.  You just wasted a whole text message with one stinkin’ a$$ letter!  I will tell you if I need a read-receipt.
  • Remember who you are texting and what the conversation is about.  Nothing worse than somebody sending you a “yes” message and you didn’t even ask them anything.  Then you spend 3 more messages trying to figure what the hell they are talking about just to find out that they don’t know either! (you know who you are!)
  • How in the hell did I get on your party distribution list???  If anybody knows who  please let me know so that I can stab them.  I’m not going to Maxwell’s so stop telling about it!  These always happen to come on a night when I’m sitting alone and wishful thinking hopes that “I’ma buy you a drank” (my current text ring) is a date proposal.  No luck, just dlashae.

What have I been doing about these nuisances?  Sending the cussing texts that I referred to earlier.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means against texting.  I approve of texting  in inappropriate talking places (work, club, happy hour, church), mass text message reminders for stuff, and I don’t mind texting that special someone who will answer a text 5x faster than a phone call.  So don’t oust me from your text friends but don’t be the next recipient of the cussing text!

“I ain’t never heard of no woman, giving no man no loving, just cuz his hair look goowd!” – Clarence

P.S.(Last night after I wrote this blog I received 3 text messages between the hours of 3am – 6am (weeknight) from random people………including Jaye……and she didn’t receive the cussing text, but she was lucky enough to get the Happy Birthday, are you out of your GD mind texting me at 3am phone call!)


Miss Trina,

I hope you don’t go Naomi on us and do a phone-smack upside somebody’s head. I’d hate for the reason why we can’t go out on Friday night to be because you got community service on Saturday morning for the next 6 weeks. However, I feel your sentiments exactly. Nothing puts me in PMS mode more than lengthy and continuous text messages. Text me once–cool. Text me twice–only if you’re responding. Text me thrice–annoying. Why don’t you just call me?!?!?!? This type of behavior will place you on my list of annoying people who don’t have jack to do all day but text. And fellas, a word of advice–the ladies don’t like to hold conversations via text. A few sweet messages throughout the day are fine, otherwise keep it short. 


Jaye is not available because today is her BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Happy Birthday, Jaye!!!!!!!!!!

Photo courtesy of

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Is That All You Got?

Posted by itiwtt on September 25, 2007

                                           Nice Package 

Where are all the hot, sexy service men that we see on TV? You know, the construction guys wearing the cut-off t-shirts with their muscles bulging out. Or the delivery man who knows how to wear the hell out of those shorts. Where are they and why don’t they come to my job? Here’s the run-down of daily eye candy, or shall I say lack of, that I get every day:

  • UPS Man~ Morning shift: Chunky, black man who’s always on the phone with his wife/baby momma/girlfriend. Not too bad looking, but once again chunky and baby momma. Afternoon shift: Short, Mexican man who always asks if I’m ready for the weekend. That’s not a problem on Thursday or Friday, but why would you ask somebody that on Tuesday. I’m thinking, “Damn, do you hate your job that much? The weekend was just two days ago!”  Eye candy status: 0 (for both)
  • FedEx Man~ Cool, white man who always runs in sweating (even when it’s cold) The sooner he finishes his route, the sooner he can go back home. Good for conversation, but not so much for my mid-day fantasies.   Eye-candy status: 3
  • DHL Man~Nice-looking, black man but all his looks go down the drain once he starts talking. First day on the job I spoke with him and thought I had gone back in time. Apparently the guy moved from the depths of Mississippi to Texas for a better opportunity. He’s never been on a plane, and he’s never really been anywhere outside of Mississippi. I’m thinking this guy is a victim of the infamous group of southern blacks that are supposedly still trapped in slavery. I mean, he’s tall, strong, not well traveled, and the best job he could find was lifting boxes. What do you think?                Eye-candy status: 8 with a 5 point deduction, therefore we have, 3
  • Local Courier~I’m not sure why I even included him. This guy is short, old, and looks like he could easily be cast as Hobbit #3 for the next version of Lord of the Rings.    Eye-candy status: -2

This is what I have to look at all day. How is this mess supposed to help me?


“Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an ‘Amen’? Ha! Ha! I don’t know you what you come to do, but I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I come to praise his name! Lord, Lord!” ~ Reverend Brown 


What the hell are you talking about ?



I appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to rate your local delivery men.  Seems like all of our delivery men are fat and ashy.  I hate all uniforms that consist of shorts (UPS, Mailman, Police, etc) none of them are flattering.  They probably get excited when it gets hot, kind of like Jeans Day on Friday for corporate America.  “Man it’s almost June, I get to wear my shorts!”


Photos courtesy of

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Labor Day the Tenderoni Way Part 2

Posted by itiwtt on September 10, 2007

The Glamorous Life

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Where do I start. Let me first say that I have the two bestest, best friends in the entire world. We made the Ghost Bar not only what is was, but what it aspires to be. Thanks for making my BDAY/Labor Day fab. Movin’ along.

Hopefully our readers have read the previous blog. If not, click. See, I made it easy for you jerks who have a life and don’t read this rambling non-sense everyday (but you should because you know you don’t have sh** to do at work but surf the net anyway). Now that you’re caught up, let’s move on for real.

As previously mentioned by CK (shim from the previous blog), we were looking fabulous upon arrival. So you know we put on the glam for the Ghost Bar. Don’t ask me how much the cover is, what time you have to be in line, or how long the lines usually are. Why you say? Because we were VIP BABY–even in the ladies room. If there was a meeting in the ladies room that night, I don’t know nothing about it. We went in the restroom, pass the line, in the stall, and out with no dissension from the attendants. Matter of fact, they were the ones who made all the VIP Bathroom Magic happen. Sidenote: Makes me giggle a little when I think that my bladder had status.

To extend the use of our newfound status, we took full advantage of the reserved seats and tried to soak up the atmosphere. After about 5 minutes of soaking, we actually became THE atmosphere. We went from sitting alone to being maraudered by tons of adoring fans, and somehow the DJ must have secretly known that there was a quirky, black girl (me) in the club who had a passion for 80’s pop (Michael, Prince, Madonna, Billy Ocean…ha!). With this information, he took it in mind to play “Lucky Star” by Madonna. Didn’t take long for me to become the black Madonna with a whole crew of drunk, white girls as my back-up dancers.  SIDENOTE: If you’re new to the celebrity game (like us), you should know that VIP=people want to be around you, hang out with you, buy you drinks, and tell you how pretty you look just so they can say that they know you (whoever YOU is) while taking advantage of your celebrity status. We quickly caught on to the VIP madness (free drinks, reserved seats, adoring fans), and headed outside.

Outside is where all the magic happened. Now before I let the magic unfold, I want you to know that we (Tenderonies) realize that you may have caught on to our slight infatuation with drag queens and midgets. Why the infatuation? Because drag queens and midgets NEVER LET US DOWN!!!

With that being said, I want you to close your eyes and imagine the chocolatiest (Wesley Snipes-ish), skinniest (Chris Rock circa 1992), most fabulous drag queen with long, flowing lashes, wearing a bottle-cap wife beater (yes, bottle caps), and boot-cut, leather pants trimmed in fringe. Too much to handle? Well it was for me too. Miss Tony (see picture) sat outside, drink in hand, poised, and waiting to take your man. Think he she won’t try? SH**********T!!! After our encounter with Miss Tony, we stumbled upon my favorite kind of gay: young and fresh out of the closet gay. This was Marcus who was overflowing with zestiness. He took it upon himself to stop Jaye in her tracks and exclaim (loudly and for all the Ghost Bar patrons to hear) how FIIIEEEERCE she was. I bet he’s at home right now practicing Jaye’s sache’. You better work it, girl!

The pivotal (and final) Ghost Bar event almost caused us to completely lose our composure. As I stood at the bar, pissed because being VIP was becoming an utter bore, I saw a bit of familiar fineness out the corner of my eye. “Who is that!” Sqint, squint…thinking, thinking…BUG EYES, BUG EYES. Lo and behold, #88 of the Dallas Cowboys, The Playmaker, Michael Irvin. Slight interuption: If after the lengthy introduction you still have no idea who I’m talking about, please refrain from reading this blog. In Dallas Michael Irvin=Diddy (not really, but kinda…well at least in the 90’s). So we’re all trying to keep it cool. Then we decide to use our VIP status to get to Mike. I thought waiting to talk to Mike was going to be hell, because some skanky, gold-digging, white girl fan walks up to Mike’s area and asks Miss Trina, “What’s his last name?” If the holy spirit wasn’t in us (drinks included), I think we would’ve cussed her ass out.

So that basically wraps up our Labor Day. Oh yeah! We did indulge in an “after-party” invite to Mr. B’s room (VIP manager) which consisted of champagne, a millionaire who knew my Uncle Cecil, me trying on the waitress outfit (don’t remember that, but there are pictures), and Mr. B’s daddy who strolled in wearing cowboys boots, a Hawaiin shirt, and glitter from the strippers. The end.


“Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but you can’t make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!” ~ Rev. Brown 


The people really did think we were somebody!  They thought Jaye was a top model, we just got back from a show in Milan, Ty was her stylist, and I was her publicist/assistant.  Hey, it worked because we didn’t pay for a thing all night.  Even Miss Tony couldn’t see thru our charade.  And speaking of the drunk girl and #88, I did reply to her that his last name was Johnson.  I was praying she would say “Hey Michael Johnson” LOL.  My highlight was Mike holding a conversation with me while holding my hand for approx 2 minutes straight.  I was screaming on the inside, yet keeping the Fabulous on the outside.  The moral of the story is if you’re rich, even if people just THINK you’re rich you’ll be everyone’s cup of tea! 


I will refrain from letting everyone know that shaving my head was the best thing EVER. Now as far as the bathroom attendent, she told me later on in the evening that I was nice to her and Mr. B mentioned it to me as well. The drag queen Tony was the best. I do wish that we would have seen a midget, and that my friends would have topped the night. But oh well, hell. We indeed had enough to discuss. I know that I am fabulous, and I ain’t got no damn money, but I look like I do…and thats all that matters to the people in the “BIG D”.

OH YEAH to the matters of more fabulousness, I told one of the bouncers that I needed to go to my room and get some cash for tips. He reaches into his pocket and hands me two “crispy twenties” and replies Mr. B will take care of that for you. WHAT! Now if that does’nt give you the wow factor, then I don’t know what will. DRINKS DRINKS DRINKS and more DRINKS!!! I can’t even tell you how many we had, although I can say is that Sun morning Ty (because it was my bday damnit!!!…ty!) was passed out in the rented Volvo. 


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Labor Day the Tenderoni Way Part 1

Posted by itiwtt on September 7, 2007


I must say that we three had a very eventful Labor Day weekend, so it will be broken down into parts.  We all decided months ago that we needed a break from our day-to-day hustles.  What could be more relaxing than a spa day and a night at a fancy hotel??  Unfortunately the weekend was anything but relaxing…me and my house are still trying to recover!!

Our first stop was a spa in Dallas.  As usual Ty and I were running late because I left my shoes and had to turn around, and as usual Jaye was cussing.  The spa had a nice little ethnic motif and the glasses of wine didn’t hurt either.  Erykah Badu’s greatest hits played for 16 hours, and most of our conversation was about the guy working on our feet and whether or not he was gay.  He spoke in soft whispers, and none of us knew what the hell he was saying.  “Girl what did he just say?” In the end, the experience was just okay–we were not impressed.

Onward to the fabulous W Hotel!  Driving up in a rented Volvo and my little dusty Acura (guess i should have washed it–maybe it would have looked a little more fancy) we looked like the night shift maids driving up.  Porsches, BMWs, Benz’s, Bentley’s and a Lamborghini parked on the sidewalk.  A vintage Rolls Royce with a driver and an unknown Black man chillin’ in the backseat drove up to valet behind us. FASCINATING! Who the hell are these people with all this money??? Once we walked in, we had to put on our “FABULOUS” — no eye contact, I know where I’m going, I’m important, and I’m not impressed.  It must have worked because the bellhop C.K. told us that we were working it and we must be from New York or Hollywood.  We just giggled and then proceeded to argue over whether she was a man or woman.

We put our bags in the room and decided to go back downstairs to get something to eat.  When we got on the elevator, we noticed that Jaye and the white lady on the elevator had on the same dress.  A little cotton halter dress that is currently priced at around $57.  Jaye thought she was looking cute until BOOF in her face.  This lady was wearing hers as a mere swimsuit cover.  After we helped Jaye pick her face up off the floor we went to the House of Blues for lunch. 

Back at the room we started to get dressed for our big night at the Ghost Bar.  The whole room was dimly lit, which makes it hard to see those minor details.  Why not turn on a lamp?  The lamp won’t come on!  Is it plugged in?  Yes.  You mean to tell me we spent all this money and the damn light’s not working.  Jaye calls downstairs immediately and 5 minutes later a maintenance man was at the door.  We tell him the lamp isn’t working and he just looks at us and flips the switch. Voila!!!  Mind you the lamp is by the window and the switch is at the front door in the bathroom, so we’re not idiots, but don’t tell nobody we couldn’t figure that out! Meanwhile, another attendant is at the door delivering my stillettos I left in the car (yes the same shoes I left at the house that made us late for the spa). Now that’s what I call service!! “Umm yes, this is room 1205. I left my shoes in my backseat.  Could you please fetch them for me?” So, this must be how the rich and famous feel on the daily.  And then as I’m curling my hair, the guy peeks through the door and exclaims, “Something is on fire!”  Ummm yeah that’s my hair smoking. LOL!  The maintenance man just shook his head, and we realized that the Hispanic guy just had his first lesson in Black hair care. 

This is only the beginning!  You can only imagine what the rest of the weekend was like.  I’ll let someone else tell the rest.

“Lisa, your sheep herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case!”



Where do I begin? First of all, I’m not backing down–CK was/is a MAN. I heard a slight lisp and witnessed a perm with nappy side-burns. These are all clues that lead to HIM being a gay man. For the record, CK was very nice and the W should be glad to have him. He thought the Funky Town Tenderonies (me, Trina, Jaye) were fab. Hopefully part two of our Labor Day tale will divulge why and when the pain in my legs and feet started. Did we participate in a tootsie roll contest that I dont’ remember?


Ok Ty,  I forgot to tell you cuz you were passed out in the rented Volvo Sunday morning. YES, CK was and is a man!!! I had to go back inside to get you a cup of java, ran into CK, and noticed that in the sun, the uniform showed that he was in fact a man. He could have fooled me! But i still think the guy who did the foot massages was for sure “a gay”. Now as far as my dress, my face is still broken but I did purchase the dress in L.A. Here in NM, that dress is the shit but apparently not in the “Big D”. I did attend a pool party on Monday wearing the dress over my kini, and I was over-dressed.

Okay, now as for the check-in, I arrived in Dallas a tad early so I proceeded to an early check-in @ the “W” and what an experiece that was.

  1.  I was escorted by one of the VIP GMs with a bellman as well.
  2. My rented Volvo was parked in the front for my immediate use.
  3. I’m under the impression that I’m somebody at this point. 

Hold tight there is much more of this day to come >>>>>>>>>


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HOT’s and NOT’s of Last Week

Posted by itiwtt on September 5, 2007


Dancing With The Stars Cast Announced


This year’s 12 contestants are Jane Seymour, super model Albert Reed, Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, actress-model Josie Maran, king of Las Vegas Wayne Newton, entertainer Marie Osmond, boxer Floyd Mayweather, Spice Girl Melanie Brown, racing champ Helio Castroneves, actress Jenni Garth, and actor Cameron Mathison.

MissTrina: First of all, why is Mel B making a comeback!  She is not even worth my discussion…moving on.  GO MARK CUBAN!  I love Mark!  This Mavs season I want a shirt that says I love Avery on the front and I love Cuban on the back.  Shouldn’t Wayne Newton be like 85, how is he going to dance?  At least he’s used to wearing those frazzle dazzle outfits.  I don’t think he’s real.  Maybe he’s a robot from the Wax Museum. 

Ty: First of all, why is Emmitt wearing gold shoes, and why is he in “tootsie roll” stance? [See above] That picture is killing me! Why is it that there are usually 2-3 dancers that you’ve never seen/heard of before in your entire life? Anyway, my vote goes for Helio Castroneves. He’s Latin, and I bet he can shake his hips just like Mario– if not better. Sorry ladies. I love Emmitt, but Mario had the best slow roll technique in the history of Dancing with the Stars. 

Jaye: Are those GOLD SHOES?  I can’t stand reality TV, but I am in love with Mark Cuban. He is quite the ass hole and I love him.  So i can’t pass commenting on this one, I’m in the season !!!


Helmsley’s Dog Gets $12 Million in Will


Leona Helmsley’s dog will continue to live an opulent life, and then be buried alongside her in a mausoleum. But two of Helmsley’s grandchildren got nothing from the late luxury hotelier and real estate billionaire’s estate.

Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, named Trouble, a $12 million trust fund.  She also left millions for her brother, Alvin Rosenthal, who was named to care for Trouble in her absence, and two of four grandchildren from her late son Jay Panzirer. If those two grandchildren don’t their father’s grave site at least once a year, she wrote, they will lose half of the $10 million she left for each of them.

Helmsley left nothing to two of Jay Panzirer’s other children Craig and Meegan Panzirer for “reasons that are known to them,” she wrote.

MissTrina: Leona is gangsta!  I mean come on, anybody named “Leona” should not be crossed.  She cut the 2 grandkids out of the will and told them “Ha, you thought I was playing suckas!  I really didn’t leave y’all one red cent and you know why!” Maybe Trouble will give them a loan!

Ty: That’s just hateful! I bet she’s in hell right now regretting that decision. On the otherhand, she probably knew she was already headed to hell and decided to go with the decision anyway.  

Jaye: Ain’t that about a bitch. She is the devil or was the devil on broadway. So if the dog passes on then where does the mula go? Ummm!

Miss South Carolina is Clueless


Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton during last night’s Miss Teen USA pageant was asked, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?” Miss South Carolina answered, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

MissTrina: I love how Jimmy Kimmel broke it down.  This is hilarious! g

Ty: That’s a stupid question. The statistic doesn’t even sound believable. How many times has Old Navy sold those same red, white and blue tees with the USA on the front? Only every year since it opened. My vote goes for entrapment. Miss Teen USA set out to destroy Miss Carolina just like the FBI agent who set out to destroy Larry Craig. It’s a conspiracy!

Jaye: She’s a HICK. with a accent to match.

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