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We Not Trying to be Messy, but I’m Just Saying…….

Posted by itiwtt on October 10, 2007

SAY WHAT???

Hey fans,

This new segment has been spawned from current events and various topics that continue to both disturb and titillate our minds. Enjoy! 

How ‘Bout Them Boys – GO COWBOYS 5-0

Shaq’s wife ain’t no fool, she should have taken more

Britney, Britney, Oh Britney.  You’ve hit rock bottom when K-Fed gets custody of a pet rock, let alone your kids.

Al Sharpton is not my leader. Please, if I ever happen to get raped by a bunch of skinheads, don’t call Al Sharpton. One phone call to my daddy and my cousins from Waco, Texas will be good enough.

We get it, you’re fat , but that doesn’t give you an excuse to wear cotton outfits to work.

Cut your grass. Just because you live in the hood and there’s a crackhouse on the corner doesn’t mean you can’t have nice landscaping.

Speaking of living in the hood, kids shouldn’t have to go to another side of town just to get the “good candy”. Turn on your porch light and buy some tasty candies this Halloween, cheap bastards.  

MTV’s new show Room 401 has figured out that scaring the hell out of Black people makes for good TV

The premiere of I Love NY 2 had hunks, punks, and even a stump (Midget Mac).

The new waitress at the local Italian place had a stain on her shirt today.  If you work at an Italian restaurant, try to keep your boobs out of the spaghetti.

Pamela Anderson has married Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and now Paris Hilton sex tape co-star Rick Soloman.  She is by far my favorite whore!

If your children are unattractive, please stop making people say that they are by saying “He cute ain’t he?” NO!!!

I love you, but Kimora please go away for a little while.

White people keep making fancy outfits for Seyjal (my dog). THANKS!

Oh and uh…for the record ITT TECH, DEVRY, and any other technical institutes DO NOT and I mean DO NOT count as a college or university. I don’t care what your mama said

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Posted in Is It Just Me, Or?, Reality TV, Uncategorized, Weekend Wrap-Up | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Labor Day the Tenderoni Way Part 1

Posted by itiwtt on September 7, 2007

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I must say that we three had a very eventful Labor Day weekend, so it will be broken down into parts.  We all decided months ago that we needed a break from our day-to-day hustles.  What could be more relaxing than a spa day and a night at a fancy hotel??  Unfortunately the weekend was anything but relaxing…me and my house are still trying to recover!!

Our first stop was a spa in Dallas.  As usual Ty and I were running late because I left my shoes and had to turn around, and as usual Jaye was cussing.  The spa had a nice little ethnic motif and the glasses of wine didn’t hurt either.  Erykah Badu’s greatest hits played for 16 hours, and most of our conversation was about the guy working on our feet and whether or not he was gay.  He spoke in soft whispers, and none of us knew what the hell he was saying.  “Girl what did he just say?” In the end, the experience was just okay–we were not impressed.

Onward to the fabulous W Hotel!  Driving up in a rented Volvo and my little dusty Acura (guess i should have washed it–maybe it would have looked a little more fancy) we looked like the night shift maids driving up.  Porsches, BMWs, Benz’s, Bentley’s and a Lamborghini parked on the sidewalk.  A vintage Rolls Royce with a driver and an unknown Black man chillin’ in the backseat drove up to valet behind us. FASCINATING! Who the hell are these people with all this money??? Once we walked in, we had to put on our “FABULOUS” — no eye contact, I know where I’m going, I’m important, and I’m not impressed.  It must have worked because the bellhop C.K. told us that we were working it and we must be from New York or Hollywood.  We just giggled and then proceeded to argue over whether she was a man or woman.

We put our bags in the room and decided to go back downstairs to get something to eat.  When we got on the elevator, we noticed that Jaye and the white lady on the elevator had on the same dress.  A little cotton halter dress that is currently priced at around $57.  Jaye thought she was looking cute until BOOF in her face.  This lady was wearing hers as a mere swimsuit cover.  After we helped Jaye pick her face up off the floor we went to the House of Blues for lunch. 

Back at the room we started to get dressed for our big night at the Ghost Bar.  The whole room was dimly lit, which makes it hard to see those minor details.  Why not turn on a lamp?  The lamp won’t come on!  Is it plugged in?  Yes.  You mean to tell me we spent all this money and the damn light’s not working.  Jaye calls downstairs immediately and 5 minutes later a maintenance man was at the door.  We tell him the lamp isn’t working and he just looks at us and flips the switch. Voila!!!  Mind you the lamp is by the window and the switch is at the front door in the bathroom, so we’re not idiots, but don’t tell nobody we couldn’t figure that out! Meanwhile, another attendant is at the door delivering my stillettos I left in the car (yes the same shoes I left at the house that made us late for the spa). Now that’s what I call service!! “Umm yes, this is room 1205. I left my shoes in my backseat.  Could you please fetch them for me?” So, this must be how the rich and famous feel on the daily.  And then as I’m curling my hair, the guy peeks through the door and exclaims, “Something is on fire!”  Ummm yeah that’s my hair smoking. LOL!  The maintenance man just shook his head, and we realized that the Hispanic guy just had his first lesson in Black hair care. 

This is only the beginning!  You can only imagine what the rest of the weekend was like.  I’ll let someone else tell the rest.

“Lisa, your sheep herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case!”

 ~MissTrina

Trina,

Where do I begin? First of all, I’m not backing down–CK was/is a MAN. I heard a slight lisp and witnessed a perm with nappy side-burns. These are all clues that lead to HIM being a gay man. For the record, CK was very nice and the W should be glad to have him. He thought the Funky Town Tenderonies (me, Trina, Jaye) were fab. Hopefully part two of our Labor Day tale will divulge why and when the pain in my legs and feet started. Did we participate in a tootsie roll contest that I dont’ remember?

~Ty

Ok Ty,  I forgot to tell you cuz you were passed out in the rented Volvo Sunday morning. YES, CK was and is a man!!! I had to go back inside to get you a cup of java, ran into CK, and noticed that in the sun, the uniform showed that he was in fact a man. He could have fooled me! But i still think the guy who did the foot massages was for sure “a gay”. Now as far as my dress, my face is still broken but I did purchase the dress in L.A. Here in NM, that dress is the shit but apparently not in the “Big D”. I did attend a pool party on Monday wearing the dress over my kini, and I was over-dressed.

Okay, now as for the check-in, I arrived in Dallas a tad early so I proceeded to an early check-in @ the “W” and what an experiece that was.

  1.  I was escorted by one of the VIP GMs with a bellman as well.
  2. My rented Volvo was parked in the front for my immediate use.
  3. I’m under the impression that I’m somebody at this point. 

Hold tight there is much more of this day to come >>>>>>>>>

~Jaye

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HOT’s and NOT’s of Last Week

Posted by itiwtt on September 5, 2007

 HOT

Dancing With The Stars Cast Announced

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This year’s 12 contestants are Jane Seymour, super model Albert Reed, Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, actress-model Josie Maran, king of Las Vegas Wayne Newton, entertainer Marie Osmond, boxer Floyd Mayweather, Spice Girl Melanie Brown, racing champ Helio Castroneves, actress Jenni Garth, and actor Cameron Mathison.

MissTrina: First of all, why is Mel B making a comeback!  She is not even worth my discussion…moving on.  GO MARK CUBAN!  I love Mark!  This Mavs season I want a shirt that says I love Avery on the front and I love Cuban on the back.  Shouldn’t Wayne Newton be like 85, how is he going to dance?  At least he’s used to wearing those frazzle dazzle outfits.  I don’t think he’s real.  Maybe he’s a robot from the Wax Museum. 

Ty: First of all, why is Emmitt wearing gold shoes, and why is he in “tootsie roll” stance? [See above] That picture is killing me! Why is it that there are usually 2-3 dancers that you’ve never seen/heard of before in your entire life? Anyway, my vote goes for Helio Castroneves. He’s Latin, and I bet he can shake his hips just like Mario– if not better. Sorry ladies. I love Emmitt, but Mario had the best slow roll technique in the history of Dancing with the Stars. 

Jaye: Are those GOLD SHOES?  I can’t stand reality TV, but I am in love with Mark Cuban. He is quite the ass hole and I love him.  So i can’t pass commenting on this one, I’m in the season !!!

NOT

Helmsley’s Dog Gets $12 Million in Will

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Leona Helmsley’s dog will continue to live an opulent life, and then be buried alongside her in a mausoleum. But two of Helmsley’s grandchildren got nothing from the late luxury hotelier and real estate billionaire’s estate.

Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, named Trouble, a $12 million trust fund.  She also left millions for her brother, Alvin Rosenthal, who was named to care for Trouble in her absence, and two of four grandchildren from her late son Jay Panzirer. If those two grandchildren don’t http://www.lovedaddy.org/visit their father’s grave site at least once a year, she wrote, they will lose half of the $10 million she left for each of them.

Helmsley left nothing to two of Jay Panzirer’s other children Craig and Meegan Panzirer for “reasons that are known to them,” she wrote.

MissTrina: Leona is gangsta!  I mean come on, anybody named “Leona” should not be crossed.  She cut the 2 grandkids out of the will and told them “Ha, you thought I was playing suckas!  I really didn’t leave y’all one red cent and you know why!” Maybe Trouble will give them a loan!

Ty: That’s just hateful! I bet she’s in hell right now regretting that decision. On the otherhand, she probably knew she was already headed to hell and decided to go with the decision anyway.  

Jaye: Ain’t that about a bitch. She is the devil or was the devil on broadway. So if the dog passes on then where does the mula go? Ummm!

Miss South Carolina is Clueless

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Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton during last night’s Miss Teen USA pageant was asked, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?” Miss South Carolina answered, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

MissTrina: I love how Jimmy Kimmel broke it down.  This is hilarious!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4Khx0D9Vx g

Ty: That’s a stupid question. The statistic doesn’t even sound believable. How many times has Old Navy sold those same red, white and blue tees with the USA on the front? Only every year since it opened. My vote goes for entrapment. Miss Teen USA set out to destroy Miss Carolina just like the FBI agent who set out to destroy Larry Craig. It’s a conspiracy!

Jaye: She’s a HICK. with a accent to match.

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HOT’s and NOT’s of Last Week

Posted by itiwtt on August 28, 2007

HOT

Making the Band 4

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With time running out on the season finale, Diddy announced the band. “Ya’ll ready to make the band?” he asked. Of course!

The band is: Robert, Brian A., Willie, Qwanell, and last but not least, Mike! But-but-but wait there’s more. Diddy made a special announcement that Donnie would be a solo artist on Bad Boy. The new Bad Boy artists reacted with excitement and tears.

So what do you do after Making The Band? You make the album. Diddy announced that the next season will feature the group making an album.

MissTrina: I must say that I am pleased with Diddy’s decision, even though he took too long to make it and my DVR cut-off right before the announcement of the band!  I could have choke slammed MTV for that! Willie’s sexiness had to make the band hands down. I like the fact that Big Mike uses the “speak it into existence” method as far as how sexy he is. Hey, the ladies seem to be going wild so maybe it works. You know I’m rich and I don’t work (just trying it out LOL). Qwanell is hilarious! I especially enjoyed his Bobby Brownish hip thrusts during the finale even though he does seem to be a little “heeeyyyy”. Robert gets on my nerves and Brian A. tries too hard, but I still respect Diddy’s gangster. I’ll leave the reasons why I love Diddy for another blog.

Xtra Info: Why do I think Jeremy is my man?  He just seems like a regular dude who’s cute and just happens to sing. I mean I could see it…..LOL

Ty: Qwanell, aka Mr. Zesty, is my fave. As Trina mentioned previously, not only does he give it to you King of RnB style, but he also happens to be the most flamboyant member of the group. I love it, and I hope to see his zestiness continue. I also love the fact that Diddy continues to serve it up just like we want it.

The Perfect Boy Band:

  • Robert: The Not-so-cute-but-he-can-sing-his-butt-off member
  • Brian A.: The I-think-the-ladies-like-it-when-the-veins-pop-out-of-my-neck-like-KCi-from-Jodeci member.
  • Willie: There’s-always-a-sexy-one-in-the-group member.
  • Qwanell: The Cute-but-sexually-ambiguous member.
  • Mike: The Every-group-needs-a-big-boy member .

Jaye: This means nothing to me. Movin’ on.

Flavor of Love 3: Anotha Taste

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Can’t get enough of Mr. Flava Flav? Don’t fret — the good people at VH1 are returning their hit show for a third season. A third season!

MissTrina: I was elated when I heard that Flav was going for round 3.  I won’t even watch other dating reality shows since Flav.  The Bachelor who???? 

Ty: I’m with Jimmy Kimmel~”Flavor Flav is the reason why George Bush doesn’t like black people.” He is also the reason why my Granny refuses to watch black people on any show other than the 10 o’clock news or The Young and the Restless. Now with Drucilla gone, I don’t know what Granny will do.

Jaye: Flav won’t be getting my ratings this year.

  

NOT

 Juanita Bynum Assaulted by Husband

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ATLANTA —  Juanita Bynum, a televangelist who has won a national following with sermons about women’s empowerment, was badly bruised in a fight with her estranged husband as they met in an attempt to reconcile, police said.

MissTrina:  I also heard that he is trying to get his church to foot his legal bills.  The Nerve!!!  I hope he gets a little time sharing a jail cell with Big Lester and is forced to wear kool-aid lipstick and make toilet liquor.

Ty: Great! Now all the people who insist that the black church is corrupt have one more bad example to validate the fact that their lazy asses just don’t want to go to church. I can hear them now, “See, I told you. I knew something wasn’t right.” I truly hope Juanita can move on from this situation, but only after her and the Women’s Ministry go Apache style on his ass—bow and arrow in his heart.

Jaye: Y’all can’t be putting the “Hands of the Lord” on eachother. Stop it!

Beyonce’s World Tour of Mishaps

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Perhaps Beyonce should just stand still in performance!

Less than a month after a spectacular on stage fall down a flight of stairs, Beyonce was singing in Toronto when the forces of nature aligned to blow up Beyonce’s dress — revealing her breasts to the crowd … and she wasn’t wearing a bra! Ring the alarm!

Beyonce, much like she did after taking a nosedive, never missed a beat and kept right on going — though she did hang on to her dress to ensure that it didn’t happen again. A few minutes too late!

MissTrina: Poor, Poor Beyonce!  Guess her and Tina need to rethink those costumes.  Got the girl tripping and flashing her chi- chis.  What’s next??  I would actually get a kick out of seeing that wig fly off or get stuck in something HEHE.

Ty: This is not the diva I’m used to. She might need to go have a chat with Diana and Patti.

Jaye: It’s just a tit!

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