Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni Weblog

“Oh, I thought it was the trash!”

Diva?? Looks Like a Drag Queen to Me!

Posted by itiwtt on August 22, 2007

Yo Go Queen!

Why does every woman with fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake eyes, fake hair, and a full mask of make-up proclaim themselves to be divas?  Are you a diva because you spent 2 hours applying your make-up and you can’t go within 50 feet of water or an open flame?  Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with enhancing your beauty, but DAMN!  If you have to do all that then maybe you’re just ugly, and you should put a little more effort into your personality.  It makes me wonder, “What the hell is under all of that?” God bless your husband or boyfriend who wakes up next to you everyday thinking he had a one night stand with a man.  oops!

We have all met that lady with a million wigs and hairpieces, and you know it’s not a medical problem because you can see her nappy sideburns! She should take some of that money she spends on wigs and go get a perm!  I always like to picture little Celie style twigs under the wig.  And another question, how long does a quick weave last?  You have had the same hairstyle for 480 days…or maybe it’s a wig because clearly your hair has not grown out, had a different curl pattern, been parted on a different side, and those 2 pieces in the front have not moved since LAST Labor Day.  Quick weave or wig, either way it has to be a hot trashy mess up under there.

I believe that every woman is entitled to one enhancement–two max! Either you have a weave & make-up, or lashes & nails, but you can’t have all four!!!!  And FYI- If you’re still wearing colored contacts you need your eyes scratched out because those went out with crochet braids, Boo.

So the next time you consider “enhancing” your inner Diva think to yourself, “Am I trying to look like a more attractive woman, or am I sooo extra that I look like a man trying to trick you into thinking I’m a woman?”

What have we learned:

  • All the extra fakeness you add to your appearance does not make you a diva, but instead you look like a drag queen
  • Somebody should check for the Adam’s Apple.

That’ll be $8…….

~MissTrina

Miss Trina,

Indeed, I do agree. However, as a loyal customer of M.A.C. cosmetics, I feel a bit torn. Concealer is one of my closest friends; kinda like lotion. I don’t like to go out ashy, and I don’t like to go out with bags under my eyes. Nevertheless, underneath all that creaminess I am working with a lot of fire and desire. See, I have options–Fire and Desire one day, Au Naturale the next.

In closing, if you don’t utilize your beauty options, you’re basically lying to yourself and others. Better yet, you may actually be a gay man trapped inside of a woman’s body. In that case, continue to add any enhancements that allow you to hide the SHE that is really a HE.

~Ty

Shut the hell up Tyra…. shit.         
I agree as well, Trina. Coming from the non-wearing, all natural society, I have to say excessive make-uppers do seem to push the envelope of man/women. Did I mention the smell and the fact it smears on the horrible clothes—”outfits” is what they call em. I often wonder could Tammy Faye smell her face? (RIP). Oh hell, what are we talking about again? Oh yeah, the transvestites… oh, oh I mean the girls, women, men. Oh shit! The whatevers with too much damn makeup on. QUIT IT! 

BTW, Fuschia #14 went out in ‘87, but it might have been ‘89. Not sure but it’s out for sure. Like my girl Keisha Cole said, Let it go! 

~JAYE

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2 Responses to “Diva?? Looks Like a Drag Queen to Me!”

  1. Renee said

    oh hell yeah!!! someone had to say it! you guys are too funny.. love the blog… LOVE IT!

  2. Nyc DIva said

    Ok 1 , No drag queen wants to look like a women, and a real woman who ends up looking like a man is just a mess lmao!
    But i quess alot of your husbands like this man/female thing, Because their the #1 admirers!

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