Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni Weblog

“Oh, I thought it was the trash!”

Archive for October, 2007

I Heart The Donald

Posted by itiwtt on October 20, 2007

We would like to present our first guest blogger.  She’s smart, savvy, straight to the point and one hell of a tootsie roller.  Making her first guest appearance on Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni…….Give it up for Dirty P’s (Plano) own, Tha Coff!!!!

 

My new favorite person….Donald Trump

 by Tha Coff

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I’m serious…I just saw him on Larry King and he is freakin’ hilarious.  He kept bringing up the fact that Rosie’s book is doing poorly.  Here are some other reasons why I am now a fan of Donald Trump:

1.  He has a new book called “Think Big and Kick Ass In Business and Life.”  So, I now have new goal…to kick ass in life.  I plan on going to get the book tomorrow.

2.  He said that you should make it a practice of holding grudges and seeking revenge because it is therapeutic.  He said it without smiling and told Larry King that he knows he is right…and King did not deny it.  Therefore, I am going to try it out. 

3.  He called Paul McCartney a schmuck for not getting a prenup because he was in love and ultimately let the non-famous person get the best of him in the end.  Then he said everyone should get a prenup unless they want to be poor– then there is no need for a prenup. 

4.  He expressed his support for Hillary and disdain for Bush, which surprises me because Bush has been good to the rich.

5.  He made fun of the fact that Angelina is a symbol of world peace and feminity a few years after she tongue-kissed her brother and wore a vile of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck after banging him on the way to the awards show.  He did not mention that she also was a lesbo and a homewrecker.

6.  He said that Mark Cuban is “a not attractive man,” that “lives in one of my buildings,” and is a much better dancer than a tv persona.

7.  His hair is a mess, it looks like a squirrel tail is on his head…but he doesn’t care and I think that is awesome. 

8.  He says that President Bush is the worst president in history.  I could’t agree more.  He makes me embarrassed to be a Texan.

9.  His feud with Rosie O’donnell–there is nothing better.  Rosie disgusts me (more than Tyra Banks but less than Ann Coulter and Bill O’Reilly), and I am glad The Donald called her on her shit.  Fact is, she talks crap about people all the time and can’t take it when someone gives it to her.  I think the funniest thing he says about her is that she showed up to his wedding uninvited and ate all the cake.  Here are some of my favorite Donald vs. Rosie quotes:

Rosie’s a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie”

 “If you looked like Rosie you’d be critical of beauty pageants, believe me. Rosie is a very unattractive woman, both inside and out. And as hard as it is to believe, inside is probably uglier than outside, and that’s really saying something.”

“Rosie has been a loser for a long period of time and I like to bring it up.”

“We’re all a little chubby but Rosie’s just worst than most of us.”

“I’ll probably sue Rosie because it would be fun.  I would like to take some money from her fat ass pockets.”

“Rosie is a degenerate.”

Donald truly has a new fan.  I put him up there with some of my other faves:  Will Ferrell, Hill and Bill, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and the creators of Southpark.

~Tha Coff

Tha Coff,

I am so glad that someone else hearts The Donald as much as I do. He’s an a$$hole and doesn’t make any apologies for it! This was a perfect guest editorial on Trials and Tribulations of the Tenderoni.  Some of my personal favorites from The Donald regarding Rosie:

  • “This woman is totally out of control. I’m worth billions of dollars, and I have to listen to this fat slob?”
  • “Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. You take a look at her, she’s a slob. She talks like a truck driver.”
  • “She better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to pick up her girlfriend. Why would she stay with Rosie, if she had another choice?”
  • “If you look as ugly as she looks…I give her credit for succeeding moderately.”

And my newest favorite regarding Britney Spears being on Celebrity Apprentice:

“We’re negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it? We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a f**king mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.”

~MissTrina

Tha Coff, I appreciate the fact that you have acquired such a liking for Mr. Trump’s disdain for Rosie. Rosie is fat, and has always been fat. It’s the truth! Donald’s only saying what we’ve all been wanting to say. For years I’ve wondered how Rosie’s marketing team has been so successful at pitching a fat, gay, unattractive woman who’s comedy is merely on a mediocre scale. Keep up the good work Donald.

~Ty

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We Not Trying to be Messy, but I’m Just Saying…….

Posted by itiwtt on October 10, 2007

SAY WHAT???

Hey fans,

This new segment has been spawned from current events and various topics that continue to both disturb and titillate our minds. Enjoy! 

How ‘Bout Them Boys – GO COWBOYS 5-0

Shaq’s wife ain’t no fool, she should have taken more

Britney, Britney, Oh Britney.  You’ve hit rock bottom when K-Fed gets custody of a pet rock, let alone your kids.

Al Sharpton is not my leader. Please, if I ever happen to get raped by a bunch of skinheads, don’t call Al Sharpton. One phone call to my daddy and my cousins from Waco, Texas will be good enough.

We get it, you’re fat , but that doesn’t give you an excuse to wear cotton outfits to work.

Cut your grass. Just because you live in the hood and there’s a crackhouse on the corner doesn’t mean you can’t have nice landscaping.

Speaking of living in the hood, kids shouldn’t have to go to another side of town just to get the “good candy”. Turn on your porch light and buy some tasty candies this Halloween, cheap bastards.  

MTV’s new show Room 401 has figured out that scaring the hell out of Black people makes for good TV

The premiere of I Love NY 2 had hunks, punks, and even a stump (Midget Mac).

The new waitress at the local Italian place had a stain on her shirt today.  If you work at an Italian restaurant, try to keep your boobs out of the spaghetti.

Pamela Anderson has married Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and now Paris Hilton sex tape co-star Rick Soloman.  She is by far my favorite whore!

If your children are unattractive, please stop making people say that they are by saying “He cute ain’t he?” NO!!!

I love you, but Kimora please go away for a little while.

White people keep making fancy outfits for Seyjal (my dog). THANKS!

Oh and uh…for the record ITT TECH, DEVRY, and any other technical institutes DO NOT and I mean DO NOT count as a college or university. I don’t care what your mama said

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or?, Reality TV, Uncategorized, Weekend Wrap-Up | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Ponytails are for Little Girls

Posted by itiwtt on October 3, 2007

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As I’m driving home yesterday, I see a man clearly near 50 going into Captain D’s with two ponytails in his head–a part down the middle with a plait on each side. My first thought is maybe he just got out of jail. Then the questions start flowing. Who is his family, and why are they letting him walk around like that?? Did he part it himself? How many men know how to put up their own ponytails?  Women have got to stop being their accomplices.  If you are a male over the age of 2, it is unacceptable for you to be walking around with pigtails!  I love Snoop, but he is wrong for the ponytails too!  I would die if I called somebody asking what you doing and the response is, “Plaiting Jimmy’s hair.”  I mean what’s the hierarchy? Whose hair gets done first? Does Little Bebe have to wait until mama gets done with daddy’s hair before she can get her hair done? Hmmmmm

We have all seen these violators.  A few weeks ago I saw a guy I grew up with wearing a plethora of ponytails all over his head, and he was balding in the front.  The top of his hair was STRETCHED into 2 ponytails and there were about 8 around the sides and back. STOP THE MADNESS! If balding is not a sign that you need to let it go, then I don’t know what to tell you. Now if you just happen to have that luxurious, silky, wavy #5 and have been known to make all the females jealous because you have “Indian in your family,” then one ponytail positioned at the nape of the neck is semi-acceptable. The one pony is also acceptable if you are a stripper, auto mechanic,  ballet dancer, delivery man, hair stylist, or singer/rapper.  If I’m lying, I’m flying. And as you can see I’m still on the ground (you can’t really see me, but just picture me well grounded on the beach with a margarita in one hand and Keston Karter on my arm hehehe).

“Boy, that ain’t nothing but a Ultra Perm” – Clarence the barber

~MissTrina

Miss Trina, 

EEEWWWW!!! This is one those things I’d rather not talk about. But I have to say, I don’t believe that pony tails are acceptable. However, in certain instances Mexicans, Native Americans and Islanders are the ones who fall under the catergory: luxurious, silky, wavy #5.  Now multiple PONY TAILS are for young girls under the age of 13. In no case should there be a grown-ass man with pony tails–PERIOD. Who said that was cute?  Every male species should have a nice fade, but there are exceptions to every rule. Are we to assume that these fellas don’t have real jobs? Is this just acceptable in the ghetto? I have to blame this morally wrong doing on the women in their life. And baby his hair probably looks better than yours.

~Jaye

Miss Trina,

I agree with you on this one. I used to have a co-worker with a ponytail, and whenever we would make reference to him it would sound something like this, “You know Mike, the guy in marketing with the ponytail.” So men with ponytails are therefore confined to being the-guy-with-the-ponytail. Any and every detail or description about them must contain reference to the ponytail. Then, when guys finally get some sense and cut off the pony, people make such a big deal about. They wanna know why they cut it, how long they had it, was it even their real hair, was it permed. LOL! Even worse, he’ll never be released from the ponytail stigma–“Remember when Mike had that ponytail?” See what I mean. So having a ponytail is kinda like a person who used to be fat. They might look good now, but people always remember in the backs of their minds how fat that person used to be. Hateful, but true. Shame on y’all.

~Ty

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