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Things we just don’t understand.

We Not Trying to be Messy, but I’m Just Saying…….

Posted by itiwtt on October 10, 2007

SAY WHAT???

Hey fans,

This new segment has been spawned from current events and various topics that continue to both disturb and titillate our minds. Enjoy! 

How ‘Bout Them Boys – GO COWBOYS 5-0

Shaq’s wife ain’t no fool, she should have taken more

Britney, Britney, Oh Britney.  You’ve hit rock bottom when K-Fed gets custody of a pet rock, let alone your kids.

Al Sharpton is not my leader. Please, if I ever happen to get raped by a bunch of skinheads, don’t call Al Sharpton. One phone call to my daddy and my cousins from Waco, Texas will be good enough.

We get it, you’re fat , but that doesn’t give you an excuse to wear cotton outfits to work.

Cut your grass. Just because you live in the hood and there’s a crackhouse on the corner doesn’t mean you can’t have nice landscaping.

Speaking of living in the hood, kids shouldn’t have to go to another side of town just to get the “good candy”. Turn on your porch light and buy some tasty candies this Halloween, cheap bastards.  

MTV’s new show Room 401 has figured out that scaring the hell out of Black people makes for good TV

The premiere of I Love NY 2 had hunks, punks, and even a stump (Midget Mac).

The new waitress at the local Italian place had a stain on her shirt today.  If you work at an Italian restaurant, try to keep your boobs out of the spaghetti.

Pamela Anderson has married Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and now Paris Hilton sex tape co-star Rick Soloman.  She is by far my favorite whore!

If your children are unattractive, please stop making people say that they are by saying “He cute ain’t he?” NO!!!

I love you, but Kimora please go away for a little while.

White people keep making fancy outfits for Seyjal (my dog). THANKS!

Oh and uh…for the record ITT TECH, DEVRY, and any other technical institutes DO NOT and I mean DO NOT count as a college or university. I don’t care what your mama said

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or?, Reality TV, Uncategorized, Weekend Wrap-Up | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Ponytails are for Little Girls

Posted by itiwtt on October 3, 2007

fg1575.jpg 

As I’m driving home yesterday, I see a man clearly near 50 going into Captain D’s with two ponytails in his head–a part down the middle with a plait on each side. My first thought is maybe he just got out of jail. Then the questions start flowing. Who is his family, and why are they letting him walk around like that?? Did he part it himself? How many men know how to put up their own ponytails?  Women have got to stop being their accomplices.  If you are a male over the age of 2, it is unacceptable for you to be walking around with pigtails!  I love Snoop, but he is wrong for the ponytails too!  I would die if I called somebody asking what you doing and the response is, “Plaiting Jimmy’s hair.”  I mean what’s the hierarchy? Whose hair gets done first? Does Little Bebe have to wait until mama gets done with daddy’s hair before she can get her hair done? Hmmmmm

We have all seen these violators.  A few weeks ago I saw a guy I grew up with wearing a plethora of ponytails all over his head, and he was balding in the front.  The top of his hair was STRETCHED into 2 ponytails and there were about 8 around the sides and back. STOP THE MADNESS! If balding is not a sign that you need to let it go, then I don’t know what to tell you. Now if you just happen to have that luxurious, silky, wavy #5 and have been known to make all the females jealous because you have “Indian in your family,” then one ponytail positioned at the nape of the neck is semi-acceptable. The one pony is also acceptable if you are a stripper, auto mechanic,  ballet dancer, delivery man, hair stylist, or singer/rapper.  If I’m lying, I’m flying. And as you can see I’m still on the ground (you can’t really see me, but just picture me well grounded on the beach with a margarita in one hand and Keston Karter on my arm hehehe).

“Boy, that ain’t nothing but a Ultra Perm” – Clarence the barber

~MissTrina

Miss Trina, 

EEEWWWW!!! This is one those things I’d rather not talk about. But I have to say, I don’t believe that pony tails are acceptable. However, in certain instances Mexicans, Native Americans and Islanders are the ones who fall under the catergory: luxurious, silky, wavy #5.  Now multiple PONY TAILS are for young girls under the age of 13. In no case should there be a grown-ass man with pony tails–PERIOD. Who said that was cute?  Every male species should have a nice fade, but there are exceptions to every rule. Are we to assume that these fellas don’t have real jobs? Is this just acceptable in the ghetto? I have to blame this morally wrong doing on the women in their life. And baby his hair probably looks better than yours.

~Jaye

Miss Trina,

I agree with you on this one. I used to have a co-worker with a ponytail, and whenever we would make reference to him it would sound something like this, “You know Mike, the guy in marketing with the ponytail.” So men with ponytails are therefore confined to being the-guy-with-the-ponytail. Any and every detail or description about them must contain reference to the ponytail. Then, when guys finally get some sense and cut off the pony, people make such a big deal about. They wanna know why they cut it, how long they had it, was it even their real hair, was it permed. LOL! Even worse, he’ll never be released from the ponytail stigma–“Remember when Mike had that ponytail?” See what I mean. So having a ponytail is kinda like a person who used to be fat. They might look good now, but people always remember in the backs of their minds how fat that person used to be. Hateful, but true. Shame on y’all.

~Ty

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

You’ll Get Nothing and Love It!

Posted by itiwtt on August 30, 2007

Bad Driver’s Handbook So I’m driving to work this morning. The usual scene: me, traffic, and NPR. Yes, NPR. I like to get my news from a reliable source before I read it on my lengthy list of slanderous blogs. Besides, I’ve recently banned my habitual group of morning shows due to the booty music intermissions (aka morning mixes) and the lengthy commercials. For some reason I’ve become extremely irritated with the extent of the commercials. It’s gotten so bad that I usually opt to turn the radio completely off rather than scan through the other stations. All that station hopping was starting to be way too much work for me.

Morning Radio Schedule:

  • Turn on Steve at 7:00-7:15 to hear the Strawberry Letter.
  • Hope and pray that I didn’t miss Gary’s Tea, which is sometime around 7:15, so I turn it to Rickey.
  • Turn to NPR to get traffic report and today’s news (I prefer that the important information come from real news people).
  • Turn back to Rickey to listen to the Chicken and Waffle Mix, but change the station because I can’t take too much boom-boom-kack in the morning.
  • Realize I kinda miss a particular person (maS yetnuP) from another station I used to listen to (401K). Turn to that station, but can’t tolerate some of the new people (I won’t mention them) and end up switching back and forth between the other two stations.

Mind you, this is all while fighting traffic.

SIDENOTE: Technically, I didn’t pass the driver’s test, so it’s possible that I don’t completely adhere to all the etiquette rules of driving. Therefore, if the following actions are totally out of hand, please let me know.

As I was driving today, like every morning, I refused to let a few people over who I believed had absolutely no reason at all to get over…other than because they just felt like it. Here’s the scene: I’m driving in the passing lane, and a car from the next lane signals. To me, a signal is a gesture that requests for my permission. He asked for my permission, and I said, no. “No,” as in “You don’t need to get over. Stay your ass over there. You’re not going to get anywhere any faster by being in front of me opposed to beside me. I’m not letting you in. The end.” It’s not like he was trying to exit. What was he gonna do other than be 5 feet from his last position. We’re both bumper-to-bumper you idiot!  Please understand that I’m not always this defensive. If someone really needs to get over, and they ask (via blinker), I’ll allow them. The only valid reasons for squeezing in during rush-hour traffic are if a)the person in front of you is driving too slow or b)you’re behind a semi.

In closing, I would like anyone who travels on 35S from 7:00am-7:25am to realize that simply turning on your blinking means nothing to me. Blink all you want!

Blink = “Excuse me, m’am. Can I get over?”

My disregard for you and your blinker = “No!”

~Ty

“Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now… now I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.” ~ Maurice

Ty,

I love that the kids have went back to school and are no longer in the streets, but I despise the traffic they have caused.  More parents should car pool!!!  I have had the worst time trying to get to work this week!  The worst part is the traffic is not where any schools are.  If it wasn’t for Rickey I wouldnt make it thru my hour commute (today’s prank call Oscar got blown up in the microwave and the whole house smelled like sausages LOL).  And what’s with the rubbernecking and being nosy when the wreck is in the median and it’s a minor fender bender.  WOULD YOU DRIVE!!!!  NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!!  Now if there’s ambulances and firetrucks, then you get a free look pass.

~MissTrina

Ty 

What do you get when have 98% bad drivers and thousands of cars? SHIT!!!!!  I’m not trying to be funny, but I did have a accident on Friday in traffic. BTW I was hit by one of the 98%. 

~Jaye

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Steak ‘N Shake and the Midget That Made It Happen

Posted by itiwtt on August 29, 2007

supermidget.jpg

My co-workers and I recently came to the conclusion that Steak ‘N Shake’s food is scrumptious, but the service is horrible.  Even though we hear that Steak ‘N Shake’s service levels at all locations are bad, we blame it all on one floosy waitress – Fernando!!!  We always end up with Fernando who’s too busy perfecting his sache’ to give a crap that we only have an hour for lunch!  He takes his sweet little time taking orders, and after 30 mins he will bring out the water and starters.  When the food is ready he has to check each meal carefully before bringing it to the table.  Ummm…I think I will tell you if my order is wrong, just bring me my damn food Queenie.  Not to anyone’s surprise, he serves the table full of “mens” first.  He even went as far as to slip his number to one of my male co-workers (Not really, it was actually another co-worker who wrote it and thought it would be funny to act like Fernando sent it, but we all still got a kick out of it LOL). 

Quotes from Co-Workers:

“Fernando? Steak N Shake Boy?  Slow service and too much shake”- Shonte’

“He must be ballin’ out of control cuz he sure doesn’t care about receiving any tips!” – Kristen

“I told y’all that boy like boys!!!” – Alexa

“Why has Fernando been employee of the month for the last 6 months.. and why doesn’t he have a day off.. every time we go to Steak n’ Shake, Fernando’s there.. and what’s worse, we get seated at his table!  What the hell is going on with Steak n’ Shake where the slowest @$$hole in the building gets employee of the month??” – Renee

We had given up all hope on ever having a good experience at Steak ‘N Shake until………we decided to try the drive-thru.  The guy taking our orders thru the speaker seemed like he had a better sense of urgency than our friend Fernando.  When we got to the window we were surprised to see a little man on a step stool ready to take our money.  We couldn’t help but scream “THE MIDGET!” We saw him a week prior short stepping across the parking lot.  He got us our shakes and food within 5 minutes.  We even saw him walking with the stool in one hand and a shake in the other.  Now that’s what I call doing what you gotta do.  We were so pleased with his diligence that we wondered if we could give him a tip at the drive-thru.

“Now, Brad on the other hand…that little man in the drive-thru window has it going on!  Good things come in little packages” – Renee 

In conclusion, we should do our jobs with pride and diligence like the Steak ‘N Shake midget.  Remember, one person, even half a person can make a difference! (sorry for getting all after school special on y’all. LOL!)

“I don’t know whether to bow or shake your hand.  Hell I feel like break dancing” – Cleo McDowell

Toodles,

~MissTrina

Trina,

I’m proud of you for appreciating the midget. In honor of you and your co-workers acknowledging Brad’s devotion and passion for his job, I declare tomorrow as official Midget Appreciation Day. In honor of this day, I ask that everyone take their favorite midget out to lunch, or just send him/her a special thank you for all their hard-work. If you don’t know any midgets, just show your appreciation to the shortest person in your vicinity.

Ty

Trina,

Hip, Hip, Hooray for Midget Appreciation Day!!!

Without midgets, The Wizard of Oz never would’ve been. Where did they get all those midgets? Were there midgets in The Wiz? I’ve never heard of a casting call for a bunch of midgets. What do they do, just put up a sign and say, “We need a bunch of midgets”? And you know that everybody thinks that Flavor of Love are making bank, but those people on Little People, Big World are making bank by being little. Flav’s ugliness can only take him so far.

~Jaye

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | 1 Comment »

Who Wants a Hotlink Sandwich?

Posted by itiwtt on August 23, 2007

A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Don’t do it! 

Black people never fail me. Here’s why:

On my usual route home I pass a recreational park that plays host to various little league events. In the early spring there’s baseball—white kids and a few blacks. Summer usually consists of soccer—hispanic and/or white kids and few of everybody else. Then there’s football in late summer, early fall—apparently nothing but black folks. Since I just recently moved into the neighborhood last November, this was my first experience with the football crowds, aka the black folks.

While en route yesterday, miles away from the park, I could smell the scent of brisket. “What the hell! Who’s having a cook-out on a Tuesday?” That was all I thought of it at first. Then I passed the park and almost lost my freakin’ mind. Just to give you a little background, the usual park events I’ve witnessed have consisted of:

  • A few parents-I would say 5 cars max…most kids get dropped off.
  • The kids who participate in the sports-12 kids max.
  • The coach and perhaps he might bring his son along.  

RANDOMNESS–Why is there always that coach who brings his kid whose sole purpose is to be in the damn way. He usually gets tired of playing with whatever toy he brought with him and then commences to getting in the way even though he knows his ass is too little to play or he just lacks talent. Most of the time he’s only there until his momma comes to pick his bad ass up. Then the coach has to stop and talk to his wife about what the hell ever is going on in their lives’. Meanwhile, the kids on the team have lost focus, due to the coach’s slight delay in practice, and ultimately end up fighting or participating in some other rowdiness. Okay, I’ll stop. Anyway—1 car for the coach.

This is not how it works for the black folks. Not only had momma and daddy shown up for the game, but apparently granny, Uncle Reggie, Cousin Ray-Ray, and the rest of the gang decided to come too. So that makes 3-5 cars for each kid. That could range anywhere from 80-90 cars. SIDE NOTE: If you really want to get technical and do the math, then go ahead. Otherwise, just go with my slightly exaggerated answer. Anyway, so you know how we (black folks) do it, we park our cars on the grass. To make matters worse, somebody’s daddy had set-up an industrial-sized grill (hence the brisket smell), and I swear I saw somebody walk off with a hotlink basket. The hotlink baskets probably brought in even more people. I could just imagine one of the kid’s daddies on the phone, “Yeah man. Come up to the park. Dante’s coach got some hotlinks going to raise money for the kids’ new uniforms.”

In closing, I would like to further express the fact that the media does a crappy job of illustrating positive reflections of black families. Those little boys had support not only from their families, but from the entire community. Of course, we never see stuff like that on tv. Then again, would you want to hear anything about a Hotlink Basket Fundraiser on the local news?

P.S.

Should I feel bad because I secretly wanted to stop and get a quick hotlink sandwich? I’m really not interested in supporting the kids, but I was just a tad bit hungry. Better yet, should I feel bad because I wanted to stop just because I saw a group full of black folks and wanted to be nosy?

“Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?”   ~PrinceAkeem

~Ty

 Ty,

I love the fact that Black people can make anything an event—a football game, a kid’s 1st birthday party, the car wash. Wherever there’s concrete and/or grass, Black folks will kick it. You did leave out one of my favorite elements of the Pee-wee football experience—the mini ghetto cheerleaders with their little uniforms on and big bows in their hair.  You think, “Awww, they are soooo cute,” until they start their first cheer. 

“Bang Bang choo choo train, come on girls let’s do our thang,” and they commence to bootyshaking and dropping it like it’s hot. GASP! You then  have the mama/cheerleading coach who’s never been a valid cheerleader on the front row pumping them up screaming, “Go head girls! Get it baby!”  Got them babies out there looking like they trying to make a little change. 

~MissTrina

HAHHAHAHAH

NOT JUST YET LADIES. Sorry for delay, but I unfortunately don’t have the privilege to sit at work and “WORK,” if you know what I mean. Now this comes close to my heart because I do live in a place where there are not a lot of us. In fact, we only make up 2%. Damn.  Anyway, I am from a family who celebrates any and everything with a barbeque… you name it, we barbeque. In fact, we have family reunion meetings every two weeks in which there is always a barbeque/potluck, FOOD.

Now the fact that someone, most likely the father or uncle of one the players, brought THE PIT does not surprise me one bit. However I love blk folks. 🙂  The best way for us to raise money for some uniforms that say THE COWBOYS #88 Lil Mike always consist of selling a hot link sandwich. Tyra you shoulda’ stopped to see if they were Earl Campbells. You know he was a Cowboy!  

~jaye

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | 1 Comment »

Diva?? Looks Like a Drag Queen to Me!

Posted by itiwtt on August 22, 2007

Yo Go Queen!

Why does every woman with fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake eyes, fake hair, and a full mask of make-up proclaim themselves to be divas?  Are you a diva because you spent 2 hours applying your make-up and you can’t go within 50 feet of water or an open flame?  Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with enhancing your beauty, but DAMN!  If you have to do all that then maybe you’re just ugly, and you should put a little more effort into your personality.  It makes me wonder, “What the hell is under all of that?” God bless your husband or boyfriend who wakes up next to you everyday thinking he had a one night stand with a man.  oops!

We have all met that lady with a million wigs and hairpieces, and you know it’s not a medical problem because you can see her nappy sideburns! She should take some of that money she spends on wigs and go get a perm!  I always like to picture little Celie style twigs under the wig.  And another question, how long does a quick weave last?  You have had the same hairstyle for 480 days…or maybe it’s a wig because clearly your hair has not grown out, had a different curl pattern, been parted on a different side, and those 2 pieces in the front have not moved since LAST Labor Day.  Quick weave or wig, either way it has to be a hot trashy mess up under there.

I believe that every woman is entitled to one enhancement–two max! Either you have a weave & make-up, or lashes & nails, but you can’t have all four!!!!  And FYI- If you’re still wearing colored contacts you need your eyes scratched out because those went out with crochet braids, Boo.

So the next time you consider “enhancing” your inner Diva think to yourself, “Am I trying to look like a more attractive woman, or am I sooo extra that I look like a man trying to trick you into thinking I’m a woman?”

What have we learned:

  • All the extra fakeness you add to your appearance does not make you a diva, but instead you look like a drag queen
  • Somebody should check for the Adam’s Apple.

That’ll be $8…….

~MissTrina

Miss Trina,

Indeed, I do agree. However, as a loyal customer of M.A.C. cosmetics, I feel a bit torn. Concealer is one of my closest friends; kinda like lotion. I don’t like to go out ashy, and I don’t like to go out with bags under my eyes. Nevertheless, underneath all that creaminess I am working with a lot of fire and desire. See, I have options–Fire and Desire one day, Au Naturale the next.

In closing, if you don’t utilize your beauty options, you’re basically lying to yourself and others. Better yet, you may actually be a gay man trapped inside of a woman’s body. In that case, continue to add any enhancements that allow you to hide the SHE that is really a HE.

~Ty

Shut the hell up Tyra…. shit.         
I agree as well, Trina. Coming from the non-wearing, all natural society, I have to say excessive make-uppers do seem to push the envelope of man/women. Did I mention the smell and the fact it smears on the horrible clothes—”outfits” is what they call em. I often wonder could Tammy Faye smell her face? (RIP). Oh hell, what are we talking about again? Oh yeah, the transvestites… oh, oh I mean the girls, women, men. Oh shit! The whatevers with too much damn makeup on. QUIT IT! 

BTW, Fuschia #14 went out in ‘87, but it might have been ‘89. Not sure but it’s out for sure. Like my girl Keisha Cole said, Let it go! 

~JAYE

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | 2 Comments »