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“Oh, I thought it was the trash!”

HOT’s and NOT’s of Last Week

Posted by itiwtt on September 5, 2007

 HOT

Dancing With The Stars Cast Announced

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This year’s 12 contestants are Jane Seymour, super model Albert Reed, Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, actress-model Josie Maran, king of Las Vegas Wayne Newton, entertainer Marie Osmond, boxer Floyd Mayweather, Spice Girl Melanie Brown, racing champ Helio Castroneves, actress Jenni Garth, and actor Cameron Mathison.

MissTrina: First of all, why is Mel B making a comeback!  She is not even worth my discussion…moving on.  GO MARK CUBAN!  I love Mark!  This Mavs season I want a shirt that says I love Avery on the front and I love Cuban on the back.  Shouldn’t Wayne Newton be like 85, how is he going to dance?  At least he’s used to wearing those frazzle dazzle outfits.  I don’t think he’s real.  Maybe he’s a robot from the Wax Museum. 

Ty: First of all, why is Emmitt wearing gold shoes, and why is he in “tootsie roll” stance? [See above] That picture is killing me! Why is it that there are usually 2-3 dancers that you’ve never seen/heard of before in your entire life? Anyway, my vote goes for Helio Castroneves. He’s Latin, and I bet he can shake his hips just like Mario– if not better. Sorry ladies. I love Emmitt, but Mario had the best slow roll technique in the history of Dancing with the Stars. 

Jaye: Are those GOLD SHOES?  I can’t stand reality TV, but I am in love with Mark Cuban. He is quite the ass hole and I love him.  So i can’t pass commenting on this one, I’m in the season !!!

NOT

Helmsley’s Dog Gets $12 Million in Will

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Leona Helmsley’s dog will continue to live an opulent life, and then be buried alongside her in a mausoleum. But two of Helmsley’s grandchildren got nothing from the late luxury hotelier and real estate billionaire’s estate.

Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, named Trouble, a $12 million trust fund.  She also left millions for her brother, Alvin Rosenthal, who was named to care for Trouble in her absence, and two of four grandchildren from her late son Jay Panzirer. If those two grandchildren don’t http://www.lovedaddy.org/visit their father’s grave site at least once a year, she wrote, they will lose half of the $10 million she left for each of them.

Helmsley left nothing to two of Jay Panzirer’s other children Craig and Meegan Panzirer for “reasons that are known to them,” she wrote.

MissTrina: Leona is gangsta!  I mean come on, anybody named “Leona” should not be crossed.  She cut the 2 grandkids out of the will and told them “Ha, you thought I was playing suckas!  I really didn’t leave y’all one red cent and you know why!” Maybe Trouble will give them a loan!

Ty: That’s just hateful! I bet she’s in hell right now regretting that decision. On the otherhand, she probably knew she was already headed to hell and decided to go with the decision anyway.  

Jaye: Ain’t that about a bitch. She is the devil or was the devil on broadway. So if the dog passes on then where does the mula go? Ummm!

Miss South Carolina is Clueless

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Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton during last night’s Miss Teen USA pageant was asked, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?” Miss South Carolina answered, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

MissTrina: I love how Jimmy Kimmel broke it down.  This is hilarious!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4Khx0D9Vx g

Ty: That’s a stupid question. The statistic doesn’t even sound believable. How many times has Old Navy sold those same red, white and blue tees with the USA on the front? Only every year since it opened. My vote goes for entrapment. Miss Teen USA set out to destroy Miss Carolina just like the FBI agent who set out to destroy Larry Craig. It’s a conspiracy!

Jaye: She’s a HICK. with a accent to match.

Posted in Weekend Wrap-Up | Leave a Comment »

I Love Me Some…..

Posted by itiwtt on August 31, 2007

As the end of Midget Appreciation Week draws near, we must honor one of our favorite midgets of all time.  He’s the biggest little man in Hollywood! Many actors can only dream of having over 50 film and television credits including playing Shonte Jackson in Me, Myself and Irene, Mr. Parker in Friday, Marcus the Elf in Bad Santa, the preacher in Beetlejuice and Big Willie Johnson in Who’s Your Caddy.  That’s why I Love Me Some…….

Joseph Anthony “Tony” Cox

 Tony Cox-Chillin’

3 feet 6 inches

  • Attended Alabama State University to study music, but chose to leave because he couldn’t read music. He could whip everybody on the drums, but he played by ear.  You know like in Drumline.

  • Watching Billy Bardy, the pioneering White “little person” actor of Wild Wild West TV fame, inspired Cox to want to act.

  • A white acting coach once told Tony Cox that his future as an actor looked bleak.  “He said I had a strike against me because I was black,” recalls Cox. “He said the only thing you’ll ever do is that you will always be in a costume.”

  • Cox’s first break in the industry was in a Burger King commercial.

  • Employs his own personal stunt-double to perform his tricky moves

  • Cox won the role of the villain Marcus in Bad Santa after 10 auditions. The character originally was written with a caucasian “little person” in mind.

  • Cox has been happily married to 5-foot-6 Otelia, his high school sweetheart, for 18 years. They are the parents of a 23-year-old daughter.

 

We present to thee, Joseph “Tony” Cox aka The black midget in all the movies:

        date.jpg   Tony Cox CoolTony Cox-Bad Santa                                        Tony Cox-Me, Myself, and Irene

Photos courtesy of IMDb

Posted in I Love Me Some... | Leave a Comment »

How much you say?

Posted by itiwtt on August 31, 2007

Pleasantly Plump www.sallypugh.org


So as I look at bodies on a daily basis, I can’t help but wonder how much people weigh. Chunks don’t surprise me when they come in needing help with weight loss. All of my clients in the last 6 months have been under a size eight. Where are the chunks, they have money too, RIGHT?

Two weeks ago I get a call on my business line from a new potential client. We went through all the proper trainer/client questions, except for weight. I never ask that question…most people just tell me. So we have our first one-on-one this morning at a local coffee shop. She walked in and introduced herself. Here’s the picture: 6’2 white female, blonde hair, brown eyes, no children, and of course driving a little bitty ass 325 BMW. So we sat down and started our evalution process. Yada, yada, yada and then the question came, “So how much would like to lose?” She replies, “150lbs.” My mouth dropped, and my eyes rolled in the back of my head. I’m thinking, “Damn! How much you weigh?” So I asked her the question directly, “So…how much do you weigh now?” She replied, “402.” I responed by saying so unprofessionally, “How much you say?”

I have taken her on as a client. Oh by the way, did I mention that she is the president of a bank? So she got change. But what happened? Why? When did it get out of control? More than 60% of my clients are fairly in shape, but why don’t the chunks workout or get a trainer? They got money too! 

“That is beautiful! What is that, velvet?” ~ Saul

 ~Jaye

Jaye,

It’s great to hear that your client is large and in charge; however, I think you should give the overweight lovers a break for a while. Stop giving them such a hard time. Last week you were griping about them at the donut shop, now this week you’re kickin’ with them at the coffee shop. Give it a rest! Next week, it needs to be all about the love.  As a counterpart to Midget Appreciation Day, I say we initiate Pleasantly Plump Tuesday. We’ll all probably come back from the 3-day weekend a few pounds heavier, so I’m pretty sure a few words of encouragement won’t hurt.

~Ty

Jaye,

I feel like the chunky ones need your services way more than those skinny b@#$% you’ve been training anyway.  I mean what do they need a trainer for??  To get that little pudge in between their toes or let me guess…..trying to get a J-Lo booty!!  Your work should be more meaningful.  What’s more meaningful than helping the large and in charge bust a gut (literally).

~MissTrina

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You’ll Get Nothing and Love It!

Posted by itiwtt on August 30, 2007

Bad Driver’s Handbook So I’m driving to work this morning. The usual scene: me, traffic, and NPR. Yes, NPR. I like to get my news from a reliable source before I read it on my lengthy list of slanderous blogs. Besides, I’ve recently banned my habitual group of morning shows due to the booty music intermissions (aka morning mixes) and the lengthy commercials. For some reason I’ve become extremely irritated with the extent of the commercials. It’s gotten so bad that I usually opt to turn the radio completely off rather than scan through the other stations. All that station hopping was starting to be way too much work for me.

Morning Radio Schedule:

  • Turn on Steve at 7:00-7:15 to hear the Strawberry Letter.
  • Hope and pray that I didn’t miss Gary’s Tea, which is sometime around 7:15, so I turn it to Rickey.
  • Turn to NPR to get traffic report and today’s news (I prefer that the important information come from real news people).
  • Turn back to Rickey to listen to the Chicken and Waffle Mix, but change the station because I can’t take too much boom-boom-kack in the morning.
  • Realize I kinda miss a particular person (maS yetnuP) from another station I used to listen to (401K). Turn to that station, but can’t tolerate some of the new people (I won’t mention them) and end up switching back and forth between the other two stations.

Mind you, this is all while fighting traffic.

SIDENOTE: Technically, I didn’t pass the driver’s test, so it’s possible that I don’t completely adhere to all the etiquette rules of driving. Therefore, if the following actions are totally out of hand, please let me know.

As I was driving today, like every morning, I refused to let a few people over who I believed had absolutely no reason at all to get over…other than because they just felt like it. Here’s the scene: I’m driving in the passing lane, and a car from the next lane signals. To me, a signal is a gesture that requests for my permission. He asked for my permission, and I said, no. “No,” as in “You don’t need to get over. Stay your ass over there. You’re not going to get anywhere any faster by being in front of me opposed to beside me. I’m not letting you in. The end.” It’s not like he was trying to exit. What was he gonna do other than be 5 feet from his last position. We’re both bumper-to-bumper you idiot!  Please understand that I’m not always this defensive. If someone really needs to get over, and they ask (via blinker), I’ll allow them. The only valid reasons for squeezing in during rush-hour traffic are if a)the person in front of you is driving too slow or b)you’re behind a semi.

In closing, I would like anyone who travels on 35S from 7:00am-7:25am to realize that simply turning on your blinking means nothing to me. Blink all you want!

Blink = “Excuse me, m’am. Can I get over?”

My disregard for you and your blinker = “No!”

~Ty

“Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now… now I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.” ~ Maurice

Ty,

I love that the kids have went back to school and are no longer in the streets, but I despise the traffic they have caused.  More parents should car pool!!!  I have had the worst time trying to get to work this week!  The worst part is the traffic is not where any schools are.  If it wasn’t for Rickey I wouldnt make it thru my hour commute (today’s prank call Oscar got blown up in the microwave and the whole house smelled like sausages LOL).  And what’s with the rubbernecking and being nosy when the wreck is in the median and it’s a minor fender bender.  WOULD YOU DRIVE!!!!  NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!!  Now if there’s ambulances and firetrucks, then you get a free look pass.

~MissTrina

Ty 

What do you get when have 98% bad drivers and thousands of cars? SHIT!!!!!  I’m not trying to be funny, but I did have a accident on Friday in traffic. BTW I was hit by one of the 98%. 

~Jaye

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | Leave a Comment »

Steak ‘N Shake and the Midget That Made It Happen

Posted by itiwtt on August 29, 2007

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My co-workers and I recently came to the conclusion that Steak ‘N Shake’s food is scrumptious, but the service is horrible.  Even though we hear that Steak ‘N Shake’s service levels at all locations are bad, we blame it all on one floosy waitress – Fernando!!!  We always end up with Fernando who’s too busy perfecting his sache’ to give a crap that we only have an hour for lunch!  He takes his sweet little time taking orders, and after 30 mins he will bring out the water and starters.  When the food is ready he has to check each meal carefully before bringing it to the table.  Ummm…I think I will tell you if my order is wrong, just bring me my damn food Queenie.  Not to anyone’s surprise, he serves the table full of “mens” first.  He even went as far as to slip his number to one of my male co-workers (Not really, it was actually another co-worker who wrote it and thought it would be funny to act like Fernando sent it, but we all still got a kick out of it LOL). 

Quotes from Co-Workers:

“Fernando? Steak N Shake Boy?  Slow service and too much shake”- Shonte’

“He must be ballin’ out of control cuz he sure doesn’t care about receiving any tips!” – Kristen

“I told y’all that boy like boys!!!” – Alexa

“Why has Fernando been employee of the month for the last 6 months.. and why doesn’t he have a day off.. every time we go to Steak n’ Shake, Fernando’s there.. and what’s worse, we get seated at his table!  What the hell is going on with Steak n’ Shake where the slowest @$$hole in the building gets employee of the month??” – Renee

We had given up all hope on ever having a good experience at Steak ‘N Shake until………we decided to try the drive-thru.  The guy taking our orders thru the speaker seemed like he had a better sense of urgency than our friend Fernando.  When we got to the window we were surprised to see a little man on a step stool ready to take our money.  We couldn’t help but scream “THE MIDGET!” We saw him a week prior short stepping across the parking lot.  He got us our shakes and food within 5 minutes.  We even saw him walking with the stool in one hand and a shake in the other.  Now that’s what I call doing what you gotta do.  We were so pleased with his diligence that we wondered if we could give him a tip at the drive-thru.

“Now, Brad on the other hand…that little man in the drive-thru window has it going on!  Good things come in little packages” – Renee 

In conclusion, we should do our jobs with pride and diligence like the Steak ‘N Shake midget.  Remember, one person, even half a person can make a difference! (sorry for getting all after school special on y’all. LOL!)

“I don’t know whether to bow or shake your hand.  Hell I feel like break dancing” – Cleo McDowell

Toodles,

~MissTrina

Trina,

I’m proud of you for appreciating the midget. In honor of you and your co-workers acknowledging Brad’s devotion and passion for his job, I declare tomorrow as official Midget Appreciation Day. In honor of this day, I ask that everyone take their favorite midget out to lunch, or just send him/her a special thank you for all their hard-work. If you don’t know any midgets, just show your appreciation to the shortest person in your vicinity.

Ty

Trina,

Hip, Hip, Hooray for Midget Appreciation Day!!!

Without midgets, The Wizard of Oz never would’ve been. Where did they get all those midgets? Were there midgets in The Wiz? I’ve never heard of a casting call for a bunch of midgets. What do they do, just put up a sign and say, “We need a bunch of midgets”? And you know that everybody thinks that Flavor of Love are making bank, but those people on Little People, Big World are making bank by being little. Flav’s ugliness can only take him so far.

~Jaye

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | 1 Comment »

HOT’s and NOT’s of Last Week

Posted by itiwtt on August 28, 2007

HOT

Making the Band 4

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With time running out on the season finale, Diddy announced the band. “Ya’ll ready to make the band?” he asked. Of course!

The band is: Robert, Brian A., Willie, Qwanell, and last but not least, Mike! But-but-but wait there’s more. Diddy made a special announcement that Donnie would be a solo artist on Bad Boy. The new Bad Boy artists reacted with excitement and tears.

So what do you do after Making The Band? You make the album. Diddy announced that the next season will feature the group making an album.

MissTrina: I must say that I am pleased with Diddy’s decision, even though he took too long to make it and my DVR cut-off right before the announcement of the band!  I could have choke slammed MTV for that! Willie’s sexiness had to make the band hands down. I like the fact that Big Mike uses the “speak it into existence” method as far as how sexy he is. Hey, the ladies seem to be going wild so maybe it works. You know I’m rich and I don’t work (just trying it out LOL). Qwanell is hilarious! I especially enjoyed his Bobby Brownish hip thrusts during the finale even though he does seem to be a little “heeeyyyy”. Robert gets on my nerves and Brian A. tries too hard, but I still respect Diddy’s gangster. I’ll leave the reasons why I love Diddy for another blog.

Xtra Info: Why do I think Jeremy is my man?  He just seems like a regular dude who’s cute and just happens to sing. I mean I could see it…..LOL

Ty: Qwanell, aka Mr. Zesty, is my fave. As Trina mentioned previously, not only does he give it to you King of RnB style, but he also happens to be the most flamboyant member of the group. I love it, and I hope to see his zestiness continue. I also love the fact that Diddy continues to serve it up just like we want it.

The Perfect Boy Band:

  • Robert: The Not-so-cute-but-he-can-sing-his-butt-off member
  • Brian A.: The I-think-the-ladies-like-it-when-the-veins-pop-out-of-my-neck-like-KCi-from-Jodeci member.
  • Willie: There’s-always-a-sexy-one-in-the-group member.
  • Qwanell: The Cute-but-sexually-ambiguous member.
  • Mike: The Every-group-needs-a-big-boy member .

Jaye: This means nothing to me. Movin’ on.

Flavor of Love 3: Anotha Taste

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Can’t get enough of Mr. Flava Flav? Don’t fret — the good people at VH1 are returning their hit show for a third season. A third season!

MissTrina: I was elated when I heard that Flav was going for round 3.  I won’t even watch other dating reality shows since Flav.  The Bachelor who???? 

Ty: I’m with Jimmy Kimmel~”Flavor Flav is the reason why George Bush doesn’t like black people.” He is also the reason why my Granny refuses to watch black people on any show other than the 10 o’clock news or The Young and the Restless. Now with Drucilla gone, I don’t know what Granny will do.

Jaye: Flav won’t be getting my ratings this year.

  

NOT

 Juanita Bynum Assaulted by Husband

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ATLANTA —  Juanita Bynum, a televangelist who has won a national following with sermons about women’s empowerment, was badly bruised in a fight with her estranged husband as they met in an attempt to reconcile, police said.

MissTrina:  I also heard that he is trying to get his church to foot his legal bills.  The Nerve!!!  I hope he gets a little time sharing a jail cell with Big Lester and is forced to wear kool-aid lipstick and make toilet liquor.

Ty: Great! Now all the people who insist that the black church is corrupt have one more bad example to validate the fact that their lazy asses just don’t want to go to church. I can hear them now, “See, I told you. I knew something wasn’t right.” I truly hope Juanita can move on from this situation, but only after her and the Women’s Ministry go Apache style on his ass—bow and arrow in his heart.

Jaye: Y’all can’t be putting the “Hands of the Lord” on eachother. Stop it!

Beyonce’s World Tour of Mishaps

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Perhaps Beyonce should just stand still in performance!

Less than a month after a spectacular on stage fall down a flight of stairs, Beyonce was singing in Toronto when the forces of nature aligned to blow up Beyonce’s dress — revealing her breasts to the crowd … and she wasn’t wearing a bra! Ring the alarm!

Beyonce, much like she did after taking a nosedive, never missed a beat and kept right on going — though she did hang on to her dress to ensure that it didn’t happen again. A few minutes too late!

MissTrina: Poor, Poor Beyonce!  Guess her and Tina need to rethink those costumes.  Got the girl tripping and flashing her chi- chis.  What’s next??  I would actually get a kick out of seeing that wig fly off or get stuck in something HEHE.

Ty: This is not the diva I’m used to. She might need to go have a chat with Diana and Patti.

Jaye: It’s just a tit!

Posted in Weekend Wrap-Up | Leave a Comment »

I Love Me Some……..

Posted by itiwtt on August 26, 2007

Welcome to our new weekly segment, I Love Me Some… where we will be discussing celebraties that we all know and love, but we don’t hear nothing about.  You’ll learn useless facts about people and find yourself saying, “I didn’t know what his name was!”, or “Dang, I didn’t know he had it going on like that!”

The featured celebrity this week has been on the tips of our tongues for the past 2 weeks.  We just can’t seem to get enough of him. Ever since we came across a throwback Soul Train episode, he has peaked our interest. This is why I Love Me Some…………………

Jermaine Jackson (and his ‘Fro)

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Here’s a bit of vital information that you must store into the back of your brain. You know, just in case there’s an emergency and someone needs to know something about Jermaine Jackson immediately. Hey, it can happen. And there always has to be that ‘go-to’ person for frivolous information. Keep reading our blog and that person could be you.

Jermaine Jackson

  • AKA–Muhammad Abdul Aziz

  • Co-lead singer of Jackson 5 with prominent parts in I Want You Back, I’ll Be There, and most importantly Dancing Machine (She’s movin’, she’s groovin’, she’s dancin’ to the music)

  • Brother and best-friend to Tito and father to Jermajesty

  • Married to Hazel Gordy (Berry’s daughter), cheated on her and had 2 kids with 2 different mistresses

  • Married brother Randy’s ex-girlfriend whom Randy had 2 kids with (so at this point he was step daddy to his niece and nephew).  This caused a rift between the 2 brothers (YOU THINK!)

  • Responsible for the Jer-mania spreading throughout Europe

  • Envy of every black man from ’69-’72 who dreamed of having the quintessential ‘fro of sculpted symmetry

  • Future baby-daddy to every teenage girl from ’69-’72 who dreamed of making sweet love to a man who could not only sing, but also play the guitar all while maintaining a ‘fro full of curls and sheen.

 Quotes from the Street:

“Everybody loved Jermaine because his fro was so curly and his voice was so nice” – Ty’s Mom

“Jermaine’s fro was so tight, guys used to wear wigs just to look like his” – Deacon Jones

“I wouldn’t even date a guy unless his fro was like Jermaine’s” – Aunt Pam

“Michael was still a baby until he released the Off The Wall album so nobody looked at him like that.  But Jermaine was older…he was the one” – Angie

We present to thee, Jermaine LaJaune Jackson aka Muhammad Abdul Aziz…and his ‘fro:

 

Jermaine 1Jermaine 2Jermaine 3Jermaine 3

 

Posted in I Love Me Some... | 1 Comment »

Who Wants a Hotlink Sandwich?

Posted by itiwtt on August 23, 2007

A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Don’t do it! 

Black people never fail me. Here’s why:

On my usual route home I pass a recreational park that plays host to various little league events. In the early spring there’s baseball—white kids and a few blacks. Summer usually consists of soccer—hispanic and/or white kids and few of everybody else. Then there’s football in late summer, early fall—apparently nothing but black folks. Since I just recently moved into the neighborhood last November, this was my first experience with the football crowds, aka the black folks.

While en route yesterday, miles away from the park, I could smell the scent of brisket. “What the hell! Who’s having a cook-out on a Tuesday?” That was all I thought of it at first. Then I passed the park and almost lost my freakin’ mind. Just to give you a little background, the usual park events I’ve witnessed have consisted of:

  • A few parents-I would say 5 cars max…most kids get dropped off.
  • The kids who participate in the sports-12 kids max.
  • The coach and perhaps he might bring his son along.  

RANDOMNESS–Why is there always that coach who brings his kid whose sole purpose is to be in the damn way. He usually gets tired of playing with whatever toy he brought with him and then commences to getting in the way even though he knows his ass is too little to play or he just lacks talent. Most of the time he’s only there until his momma comes to pick his bad ass up. Then the coach has to stop and talk to his wife about what the hell ever is going on in their lives’. Meanwhile, the kids on the team have lost focus, due to the coach’s slight delay in practice, and ultimately end up fighting or participating in some other rowdiness. Okay, I’ll stop. Anyway—1 car for the coach.

This is not how it works for the black folks. Not only had momma and daddy shown up for the game, but apparently granny, Uncle Reggie, Cousin Ray-Ray, and the rest of the gang decided to come too. So that makes 3-5 cars for each kid. That could range anywhere from 80-90 cars. SIDE NOTE: If you really want to get technical and do the math, then go ahead. Otherwise, just go with my slightly exaggerated answer. Anyway, so you know how we (black folks) do it, we park our cars on the grass. To make matters worse, somebody’s daddy had set-up an industrial-sized grill (hence the brisket smell), and I swear I saw somebody walk off with a hotlink basket. The hotlink baskets probably brought in even more people. I could just imagine one of the kid’s daddies on the phone, “Yeah man. Come up to the park. Dante’s coach got some hotlinks going to raise money for the kids’ new uniforms.”

In closing, I would like to further express the fact that the media does a crappy job of illustrating positive reflections of black families. Those little boys had support not only from their families, but from the entire community. Of course, we never see stuff like that on tv. Then again, would you want to hear anything about a Hotlink Basket Fundraiser on the local news?

P.S.

Should I feel bad because I secretly wanted to stop and get a quick hotlink sandwich? I’m really not interested in supporting the kids, but I was just a tad bit hungry. Better yet, should I feel bad because I wanted to stop just because I saw a group full of black folks and wanted to be nosy?

“Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?”   ~PrinceAkeem

~Ty

 Ty,

I love the fact that Black people can make anything an event—a football game, a kid’s 1st birthday party, the car wash. Wherever there’s concrete and/or grass, Black folks will kick it. You did leave out one of my favorite elements of the Pee-wee football experience—the mini ghetto cheerleaders with their little uniforms on and big bows in their hair.  You think, “Awww, they are soooo cute,” until they start their first cheer. 

“Bang Bang choo choo train, come on girls let’s do our thang,” and they commence to bootyshaking and dropping it like it’s hot. GASP! You then  have the mama/cheerleading coach who’s never been a valid cheerleader on the front row pumping them up screaming, “Go head girls! Get it baby!”  Got them babies out there looking like they trying to make a little change. 

~MissTrina

HAHHAHAHAH

NOT JUST YET LADIES. Sorry for delay, but I unfortunately don’t have the privilege to sit at work and “WORK,” if you know what I mean. Now this comes close to my heart because I do live in a place where there are not a lot of us. In fact, we only make up 2%. Damn.  Anyway, I am from a family who celebrates any and everything with a barbeque… you name it, we barbeque. In fact, we have family reunion meetings every two weeks in which there is always a barbeque/potluck, FOOD.

Now the fact that someone, most likely the father or uncle of one the players, brought THE PIT does not surprise me one bit. However I love blk folks. 🙂  The best way for us to raise money for some uniforms that say THE COWBOYS #88 Lil Mike always consist of selling a hot link sandwich. Tyra you shoulda’ stopped to see if they were Earl Campbells. You know he was a Cowboy!  

~jaye

Posted in Is It Just Me, Or? | 1 Comment »

Back Away From the Drive-Thru, Damn It!!!

Posted by itiwtt on August 22, 2007

Nip this problem in the bud       

 Okay, I am reaching my boiling point with you chunkies in my damn way. Back away from the drive thru and find a spot and walk! As a matter of fact, why the hell are you at the local burger joint anyway? Didn’t I see you this morning at the hole in the wall donut place over there on Central? You know the one next to the transvestite pay-as-you-go motel. Yea that donut place. I was trying to find an extra calorie or two in a donut ‘cuz my skinny ass was starving. SHIT! You reaching out your blue minivan (conversation for a later date) with extra-extra underarm insulation and that extra cuff of fat behind the elbow. UGGHHHH!

I have to admit I did get pretty upset when I saw you twice in one day. I mean damn can I get bite! McDonalds never runs out of fries, but Churches sure do run outta chicken. “We aint cookin’ no mo’ chicken.” Why? Probably because you ordered a 17-piece and a biscuit.

I mean for real what should I do, offer my assistance? I do know the gym like the back of my hand. Should I hand them a business card? What do I say, “You look like you could use my services”, and then end with a smile? Uhhh!!! I need some direction on this one ladies.

 Let’s hear it for my band, Sexual Chocolate.

 ~Jaye

Jaye,

I really don’t associate with any fat people (other than a family member or two), so they gets no love from me. Oh yeah, I do talk to my co-worker buddy on the 4th floor-she’s fat. She just got married, so obviously somebody doesn’t mind her fatness. Pretty sure she was fat when she met her husband, and now he’s probably gotten used to the fact that she’ll be fat for the entire marriage. He might be fat too! I should go to her desk and look at her pictures for verification. “Hey girl! You know I never did get a chance to see your wedding pictures.” I’ll put that on my “to-do” list.

Honestly, you’re over-reacting—as usual. Have you ever thought about not going to places where you’re guaranteed to see fat folks? Chicken shacks and donut shops are always on fat people’s agenda. You’re the one that’s in their way.

~Ty

I’m going to have to agree with Ty on this one.  I actually think that YOU are in the fatties way.  I’m pretty sure one of them is writing a blog about you right now “Why is her skinny a$$ always in my way”.  They probably want to invite you to the buffet so you can get some meat on your bones. LOL!  If you don’t want to see the fatties, don’t go to their hang-outs.  It’s like going to Luby’s and not wanting to see old people, or going to South Dallas and not wanting to see a gold tooth.

~ MissTrina

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Diva?? Looks Like a Drag Queen to Me!

Posted by itiwtt on August 22, 2007

Yo Go Queen!

Why does every woman with fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake eyes, fake hair, and a full mask of make-up proclaim themselves to be divas?  Are you a diva because you spent 2 hours applying your make-up and you can’t go within 50 feet of water or an open flame?  Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with enhancing your beauty, but DAMN!  If you have to do all that then maybe you’re just ugly, and you should put a little more effort into your personality.  It makes me wonder, “What the hell is under all of that?” God bless your husband or boyfriend who wakes up next to you everyday thinking he had a one night stand with a man.  oops!

We have all met that lady with a million wigs and hairpieces, and you know it’s not a medical problem because you can see her nappy sideburns! She should take some of that money she spends on wigs and go get a perm!  I always like to picture little Celie style twigs under the wig.  And another question, how long does a quick weave last?  You have had the same hairstyle for 480 days…or maybe it’s a wig because clearly your hair has not grown out, had a different curl pattern, been parted on a different side, and those 2 pieces in the front have not moved since LAST Labor Day.  Quick weave or wig, either way it has to be a hot trashy mess up under there.

I believe that every woman is entitled to one enhancement–two max! Either you have a weave & make-up, or lashes & nails, but you can’t have all four!!!!  And FYI- If you’re still wearing colored contacts you need your eyes scratched out because those went out with crochet braids, Boo.

So the next time you consider “enhancing” your inner Diva think to yourself, “Am I trying to look like a more attractive woman, or am I sooo extra that I look like a man trying to trick you into thinking I’m a woman?”

What have we learned:

  • All the extra fakeness you add to your appearance does not make you a diva, but instead you look like a drag queen
  • Somebody should check for the Adam’s Apple.

That’ll be $8…….

~MissTrina

Miss Trina,

Indeed, I do agree. However, as a loyal customer of M.A.C. cosmetics, I feel a bit torn. Concealer is one of my closest friends; kinda like lotion. I don’t like to go out ashy, and I don’t like to go out with bags under my eyes. Nevertheless, underneath all that creaminess I am working with a lot of fire and desire. See, I have options–Fire and Desire one day, Au Naturale the next.

In closing, if you don’t utilize your beauty options, you’re basically lying to yourself and others. Better yet, you may actually be a gay man trapped inside of a woman’s body. In that case, continue to add any enhancements that allow you to hide the SHE that is really a HE.

~Ty

Shut the hell up Tyra…. shit.         
I agree as well, Trina. Coming from the non-wearing, all natural society, I have to say excessive make-uppers do seem to push the envelope of man/women. Did I mention the smell and the fact it smears on the horrible clothes—”outfits” is what they call em. I often wonder could Tammy Faye smell her face? (RIP). Oh hell, what are we talking about again? Oh yeah, the transvestites… oh, oh I mean the girls, women, men. Oh shit! The whatevers with too much damn makeup on. QUIT IT! 

BTW, Fuschia #14 went out in ‘87, but it might have been ‘89. Not sure but it’s out for sure. Like my girl Keisha Cole said, Let it go! 

~JAYE

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